Pregnancy after loss

The last couple months have been a bit of a roller coaster for me. Since everything seemed fine with my last pregnancy I feel this hesitancy to totally get comfortable. Planning for the future seems so silly. I mean I did that last time. I had a baby registry and planned out how I would decorate the nursery. When he didn't come home with me though, any baby stuff I had out only served as a reminder of the big hole in my heart and my arms. But if I don't think about the nursery and the baby, if I don't plan then does that say I'm expecting the same outcome as before? This is the difficulty in being pregnant after losing a child the way I did. I want this child so much and I'm afraid to lose it. I'm also afraid to give into the joys of expecting in case I do lose it. I'm told it's normal to feel this way and I'm sure it is. That doesn't make it any easier.

The good news is that I have now had 2 ultrasounds with great results. The report that the Dr sent home with me listed my amniotic fluid level as "normal" both times. There is no way to explain how happy I am to have a normal amount of amniotic fluid. The baby has wiggled all the way through both ultrasounds and that is another great sign. Last time we took the boys with us hoping to find out the gender (no dice, the baby is still too small for Peruvian ultrasound technology to be able to tell) and we got to see the hand and the feet. We told them the baby was waving and they were excited about it. Both of my boys are voting for another brother. Apparently they like the boys club we've got over here.    Everyone in the world is wishing for me to have a girl, so the rebel in me thinks I should have another boy. It kind of seems like thats what I'm wired for anyway. Honestly I'll be happy either way. I just really want a healthy baby. Seriously, that's all that I care about.


If you are praying for us please continue to pray for the baby's health and peace for our family.
Also the value of the dollar has been plummeting over here. That means our money is not going as far as it was before because we are losing value in the exchange. God is faithful and has been providing as we have needs but we are praying that the dollar turns around and at least stabilizes. Hopefully it's just temporary.

We have a lot going on in the next few months that I'm just waiting until it's all finalized before I share. But please continue to pray that God opens doors and brings the provision for the doors that he has opened