counting my blessings

A couple days ago a metro train was bombed in Moscow. I sent my former roommate Nastia a message to make sure she was ok. Turns out the station that was bombed is where she gets off to go to work. She happened to have the day off though so she was at home instead of on the way to work as she would have been.
I don't have a lot to say but I do want to say this. Nobody knows what could happen from day to day. We worry about crazy things that may or may not happen and in our worry we miss out on huge adventures and wonderful life experiences.
Let's love life! I've gone through times that I did and times that I didn't. Trust me when I did not do my best to enjoy every day, life was much worse. I know this isn't all that profound or spiritual but I challenge you to look for the good things in every day. No matter what is going on in your life there has to be SOME good.

Today I'm enjoying the beautiful weather, my children FINALLY taking a nap, and the pile of freshly washed/dried/folded laundry that I got to finish because of said nap. I have an amazing husband that does things like this 

and doesn't mind if he comes home to a messy house, disheveled wife or half dressed children. Because he is happy to be here with us.

Just in natural things I have a lot to be grateful for and I could probably list 1000 more things if I tried.

What do you have to be grateful for?

Trust & Obey

Lately I've had so much I want to talk about that I get on here start writing and get distracted by my other thoughts. So I have to put the computer down and walk away to regroup. (I'm sure the 3 people that read this are very happy to know that lol)

Anyway I have really been thinking about obedience lately. I'm regularly finding myself telling Logan to do something simple like pick up his toys or put on his shoes or any number of random little things and coming up against the evil question"WHY?" not that I'm against telling him why his toys should be put away or his shoes should be on or he should not eat the thing he picked up off the ground. It's just that while I'm answering him he is not doing what I asked him to do, he usually has follow up why's and yes, it comes to the point that he forgot what I asked him to do. So once its explained I have to start the whole process again. Sometimes I wish I could explain to him (in a way he really would understand) that when I ask him to put on his shoes 9 times out of 10 his shoes need to go on so we can do something he likes. Go to the park, library, church, get a watermelon slush, something. If he would just obey me the first time I ask I would be so much more willing to take him places like the park or the library because he has proven that he can be obedient in the small things even if he doesn't know why.

I look at myself and my highly doubtful, questioning nature and I realize most of the time when God (or my husband...ouch) ask me to do something I want to ask them "WHY?" I'm a person who likes to have a plan and understand the reasons, the processes, the beginning from the end, all of it. I don't do well with reasons like "just because" or "just do what I'm asking you and you will find the benefits later" the phrase Obedience is better than sacrifice stings me almost everytime because I would rather make sacrifices than be uncomfortable or do something I don't understand or want to do.

 The other night Jose and I were talking with one of the guys he mentors. The guy asked why he needs to do something not in a rebellious way just in a "tell me again so I know why I'm working so hard for this" way. We gave him some answers and I just kind of blurted out "Really, you don't need to know why. You just need to do it." Yikes! I think back on some things I've said to people in moments of counseling and ministry and I realize it's all for me. God always gives me words for people that also apply to me even when it applies to me in a completely different situation.

I'm also learning that when you are obedient to God and the things he tells you there are always friends (sometimes...usually Christians) that don't understand and question you again and again. Making it even more difficult to do what God told you to do. I'll give you an example of something in my life right now. In our preparations for Peru we have been getting rid of *stuff* lots and lots of stuff (it's kind of a relief to be loosing so much clutter from our lives) Very well meaning friends and family have encouraged us to sell our stuff to pay for part of the trip or replace the stuff when we get to Peru something along those lines. We have considered it but we both know deep down that God told us to give it away. I'm not going to lie, my natural mind does start thinking "but if we sold this we could get at least $$$ for it which would buy xyz and that would be so much easier than just trusting God to provide it" Yes, it's easy to think that way and hard to explain the other way of thinking but in the end all God is asking us to do is trust Him and obey what he's asked us to do (hmm that sounds familiar)

So here we go. I'm trusting God and doing what he told me to do.

Enjoying my kids

I have given myself a challenge recently to just enjoy my kids. I mean I know we all hear it again and again. "enjoy them while they are little because they grow up before you know it" It's fine to hear it but actually doing it is where I find the challenge. Not that I don't love or like my kids. It's just that I get so wrapped up in getting things done (and often keeping the kids alive) that I find it difficult to just play with them and ignore the giant mess in the other room. Out of sight out of mind does not apply to me. I can tell you at any given moment which room(s) in my house are messy and what steps I need to take to get in back in order...(ocd much? Yes, but not enough to keep it all in order. It's a vicious cycle) I have learned that I can either have fun with my kids or have a clean house. It would be great if I could have both but it just doesn't happen here. (Judge away I know I'm not perfect)

So now you get to hear (read?) how great my kids are.
Logan loves everybody. He really loves Jesus and loves the bible (he has 2 verses memorized and loves to recite them) He prays all the time for a little sister. He even has names picked out for the sister that he is praying for. One day he was fighting with Timothy and I told him maybe we shouldn't have anymore brothers or sisters if he couldn't love the one he has. He cried for a long time while I tried to explain to him the principle of being faithful with a little and God will give you a lot. The next day (and ever since then actually) he was so sweet to his brother. When we picked him (timothy) up from sunday school Logan said "hey T! did you have a good time? and gave him a big hug. It melted my heart. He loves Thomas the train and super heroes. He loves gifts and will be very thankful when we give him a gift, even clothing. When he puts on clothes he asks me who gave him his shirt etc... once I tell him he remembers forever and mentions it every time he wears the item. He is my sweet heart. He is so excited to go to Peru and is really interested in Spanish. He constantly asks me how to say certain words in spanish. When we move there we plan to get a dog and he pretends to have a dog now so he can practice. (guess who's dog it will be?) When he grows up he wants to be a dad. We told him he has to get married first so he is currently on the search for a wife.

Timothy thinks a lot. He is the child that every day I think he will grow up to be something different. Most of the time I think he will be an engineer or something to do with electronics because the boy can figure out how to work anything he wants to. (even Logan asks him for help with turning things on and stuff like that) Other times I think he will grow up to be a worship leader. One night Jose was at a campout and T got in bed with me at 4am. He couldn't sleep and started singing "Yo Te Busco" (A spanish worship song) very loudly. His favorite part of movies is the credits because he likes to dance and watch the words. He can't read (that I know of ;-) but he will look through books with words and no pictures as if he is reading every word. In fact books are his favorite toy. He loves to look at books and for me or Jose to read to him. He thinks Logan is the most amazing person in the world. If I want him to do something all it takes usually is for me to get Logan to do it. T will do everything he can to be like Logan. He's usually shy around new people or in unusual situations but once he's comfortable you better be ready he will talk your ear off and sing at the top of his lungs the whole time. He's not usually cuddly, but when he is it's the best! He's not exactly like me but I see a lot of myself in him.

I thank God for my children they teach me so much everyday. They are amazing and I'm humbled that God trusted me with such special little people. I pray I will always be everything they need me to be and where I fail I pray that God will fill in the gaps for them. Pray for me ya'll I've got a big job ahead of me

I have decided

My head feels like it is about to explode! Jose and I spent the past week in Baton Rouge, LA at Bethany World Prayer Center (a church) They have a yearly conference called The Remnant and it was amazing! I have been to a lot (and I do mean a lot) of conferences and this was the best I can remember attending. The speakers were Dag Heward-Mills (google him he will blow your mind!) Dino Rizzo, Robert Morris, Pastor Larry Stockstill, Pastor Joel Stockstill and Jonathon Stockstill.

I will probably be talking about stuff I learned/heard at the conference for a long time but there is something that God stirred in me when I was there that I feel I should mention here. I have been softening and in a way apologizing for the call for us to go to Peru. I've told people that it's just like parts of America and we won't be in a dangerous area etc... I've said those things for a good reason I think but in reality I shouldn't have said that at all.
Matthew 10:38 If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me you are not worthy of being mine
Matthew 16:24 Then Jesus said to his disciples "if any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me"
The cross = suffering I know this and I have known this. Ministry isn't easy. Ministry in a foreign country is really not easy and yes we could die or get seriously injured/sick etc... I am prepared for that (as much as I can be) Something Dag Heward-Mills said stuck with me though. He talked about the way Muslims are willing to die for what they believe in. Even though they are portrayed as villians there are more and more people becoming muslim. Because people are willing to follow something if other people are willing to die for it. American Christians generally aren't willing to die for their faith. So here I am saying I don't think I'm going to die by going to Peru. I don't have a death wish either. I hope to live a long and useful (to Christ) life. But if I die I hope that I will glorify God in my death as much if not more than in my life.
Matthew 16:25-26 If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?

I have decided to follow Jesus...no turning back, no turning back