A day I thought would never come

The average christian parent has certain expectations or at least assumptions that they live with. One of them being that their children will be christians and get baptized or follow whatever example they set. Even so those parents are thrilled and excited when the expectations are met. A child coming to christ is a huge celebration and the same can be said of baptism. However sometimes there is a kink. Some reason why you might set your expectations aside. For example you might have a child who has sensory issues and can't stand the idea of water on his head because it might get into his eyes. For a child like that the idea of putting your head under water for any reason sounds like a really horrible idea. (and that's putting it mildly.)

I just described Timothy. Logan is the one who led Timothy to the Lord and ever since then has been trying to talk him into getting baptized (Did I ever mention that 3 different people who don't know each other or me prophesied that Logan was going to be like John the baptist while I was pregnant with him?) Sometime last week while Jose was talking about this baptism service Timothy volunteered to be baptized. I wasn't there so when Jose mentioned it I looked something like this

I should mention that Jose and I have different kinds of faith. When we have no money or are getting close. I have gotten to a place where I just expect God to take care of it. While Jose does a lot of math. I know he's worried about money when I find sheets of paper with numbers scribbled all over them. I on the other hand really struggle to have faith that everything will work out with Timothy. In my heart I know that God is taking care of it (just like Jose knows that God will take care of our finances) But when I'm looking at it day in and out it gets easy to think that he will always be set in whatever particular way he's currently set in and will never change. But Jose doesn't have that problem. He pushes him and believes he can and will get and be better than what he settles for currently. So, I admit, I got annoyed with Logan for continuing to ask. I even told him that Timothy would do it when he was ready (which was true) but I realize now that he needed that peer pressure from his brother to recognize the importance of making that decision. 

We asked him several times if he was sure he wanted to do it. Jose mentioned it every day this week and every day Timothy affirmed that yes, he wanted to be baptized. I let him wear his swim trunks to church and he was dressed before we woke up actually. He wanted to do it first thing when we got there but alas, he had to wait. 

He literally buzzed with excitement all through church. He sat with me and kept humming and clapping and asking me when he would get to be baptized. Then the moment came. He was by the pool the second they announced it. 

I love the progression of these photos. You can see how happy and excited he is and when he comes out of the water you can see how much he hates the water in his eyes.

I have been a mess all day. A happy mess. Every time I think about it I start to tear up and think about how good God is and how proud I am of Timothy. He may not act or think like most kids his age. But he has a very real relationship with God that he is working out in his own way. 

Today my son inspired me and showed me that he (and everybody really) has the ability to push through his discomfort and obey what God is telling him to do.  

And he did it with a joyful attitude.  

He was excited about being uncomfortable.

I wonder, when was the last time you got excited about being uncomfortable?  

so, not to be awkward but...

When I was a kid my parents put me in girl scouts a few different times. I'm a total introvert. Like for real. Making new friends is almost painful for me because I don't hit my stride until I've known someone for like 5 years. (just kidding...not really) That's why I had about 5 friends as a kid and I still know all of them. So I guess my parents thought I would meet more people if I was a part of girls scouts. The problem was for me, aside from the fact that I was painfully shy, I had to sell stuff. Stuff I didn't really believe in. Magazine subscriptions? nobody buys those from girl scouts but family members who feel guilty. Wrapping paper? again, just why? Even cookies were hard for me and those babies sell themselves.  (I mean it didn't help that there was a girl scout troop leader on our street so her daughter had the jump on me when it came to sales.)

So deep down inside I still feel like the 10 year old girl when I have to ask something like I'm about to ask. Only this time I believe in what I'm asking for. We came to Peru almost 4 years ago and at that time we did what all missionaries do. We traveled around and told people our vision and asked if they wanted to be involved. We did gain a lot of great support from that time and it has been so much help. But things happen and so sometimes our support base isn't able to come through with the full amount that we need to survive. When that happens we spend a lot of time in prayer (and fasting) for God to come through. This time God told me to do something that scares me a lot. He told me to share our need and ask you for help. 

~When we came to Peru we were a family of 4 and 2 of us were tiny and shared everything including clothes. Now we are a family of 5 and the 2 previously tiny ones are almost as tall as me and both can and often do out eat me. They also seem to grow out of their clothes and shoes when I blink. The newest tiny is still pretty tiny but seems to be on miracle grow and alas has no older sister to receive hand me downs from.  These things have raised our living expenses substantially. 

~The cost of living is rising here. In Houston our single family home with a yard cost us the same as our condo style (shared walls with neighbors on both sides) home with a "jardin" (Peru code for patio) here in Piura. Gas is about $5 a gallon. We don't have a car currently but anywhere we go costs us about $5 to go and come back. 

~Fluctuating exchange rates. We always do our best to find the most beneficial exchange rate. But sometimes there's nothing we can do. The amount we actually receive can vary by as much as $500 just because of how much the exchange rate is cutting off.

~Visas. To live here we have to have visas. Right now we need $700 to renew our visas and get Zoe one of her own.  

~Finally, this month our support is at about 1/4 what we usually get. When the full amount is already spreading thin I'm sure you can imagine what it's like when it's down by 3/4. 

Now If I could I would be at the local polleria applying for a job waiting tables or anything like that to help make ends meet. But unfortunately I don't have permission from this country to earn money here. So I'm asking you to make an investment into us and the work we are doing here. 

If you go to our home church or would like to make a tax deductible donation go here You can even set up a recurring donation if you want to.  Just make sure to direct it to Missions. Missions= US Jose and Kathryn we are the missionaries our church supports. =)

If you don't go to our home church and don't care about tax deductions you can give to us through paypal ~ jkmission2peru@gmail.com if you click that you are sending money to family or friends we pay much lower fees which means we get more of the money you send v. paypal getting it ;) 

If you don't like either of those options but still want to send us money you can email me at jkmission2peru@gmail and I will talk to you about the other options. *You can also email me there if you just want to say hey, I'm an introvert but I like email ;)  

Honestly I've had people give me $5 and say "sorry it's not much". To any of you who are thinking that I just want to say $5 (or .5) is that much more than we have today. It might not seem like much to you but for us it could mean the difference between having lunch or not. And if you can't send any money don't worry! Pray for us. Pray that God would provide our needs. Pray that the exchange rate stays in our favor. Pray that my children's clothes grow with them ;)  Your prayers have brought us this far and I know that God is able and faithful to do the rest. 

Finally, thank you. Without you all we couldn't do what we do. We love seeing what God is doing here and it's because of your partnership.  As Paul said "I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now," ~Philippians 1:3-5

someday we'll laugh about this

I'm sure you've heard someone say "someday we'll laugh about this" maybe you've even said it yourself. 

A few days ago we had a mid-week servolution. We went to this area called "El Indio" and gave clothes and shoes away in a school.

so many clothes were donated by people in our church! it was awesome

one of the kids peeking through the broken door while we set up

this little guy was so sweet, he kept asking me to take his picture

Waiting to pick something out

It was a great day and we got to help a lot of people. It broke my heart to see some of the people looking for something for their kids and happily taking newborn size clothes for their toddler or boy clothes for their girls. Really they took what we had because at least it was something. 

One of the little girls came in at the end when we had barely anything left and she took clothes for her baby sibling and shoes for her mom. She didn't want anything for herself. 

the team

We always leave these time elated and exhausted. It's a lot of work ya'll! 

We were in an area where there aren't a lot of taxis and it's at least 2 miles to the street 

where you can pick one up. 

Out of all the people working we had one car between us...ours.

Now, our car was given to us when we first got to Peru. 

It has been through a lot, we have loaded it down with people many times. 

(I should add there are no laws about seatbelts in the back seat and the speed limit in piura is something like 30 mph) 

This time it was a little trickier than normal since we had 7 adults, 2 children 1 infant with a car seat, a stroller and about 5 folding chairs. (plus all the stuff that was in the car before we started)  

Somehow we managed to all fit inside our car. 

We got most of the way home when the car started to stall out. 

This happens sometimes...

well, a lot...

ok, lets be real it happens every time we drive the car.

So nobody worried, Jose just put the car in neutral and tried to restart it. 

Did I mention we were on a bridge? 

Yeah, that.

So anyway, the car does what it always does. It makes it's little pre-starting noise

kind of like this "ngggngnngngngnng" but it never turns over. 

We have been coasting this whole time which seems like it was maybe an hour but was probably a lot more like 5 minutes. People just pass us and keep going. That's Peru for you. Nobody is fazed in the least by the dying car full of people.

Right about now I was thanking Jesus that we had a car full of grown ups, 3 of whom were men. 2 of them jumped out and started pushing until we got off the bridge then Jose jumped out and did the push and steer until we got to a "parking lot" (more like a parking space) on the side of the road.

From here we all went our separate ways. The plan was to get a mechanic to come look at it (tow trucks are not the norm here.) So we got a Taxi to go home. 

We got home and paid the Taxi driver with the only money we had between us.

It was a counterfeit bill, we didn't know. 

Thankfully, Logan has a piggybank and is a saver. 

We paid the Taxi driver. 

Peru is not exactly a country where urgency exists. Mechanics work certain hours no more, no less.

So our car had to spend the night on the side of the road. 

The next morning Jose went to try to figure out what to do about our sad little car. 

This story just writes itself.

Someone broke the window and stole everything inside, 

from the phone charger plugged into the cig. lighter to the toolbox in the trunk. 

Even Logan's Astros cap (but they left his shoes...can't say that I blame them, those things are toxic) 

We finally got the car to the mechanic (I'm not even gonna' tell y'all how. Some things are just too hard to believe if you don't live here) 

The car won't start, that's true, but theres nothing wrong with it. 

It just doesn't want to work anymore.

 It just turned 30 maybe it's having a midlife crisis? 

I guess it lost it's will to live. 

Now, I would love to tell you I responded at each step with some of the grace that Job had when he lost his stuff. 

I sound so spiritual and wise right?

 But seriously Job may have temporarily reacted with grief but in the next verse he's all 

well I came into this world naked I guess that's how I'll leave. 

!

(warning, do not read this next paragraph if you like thinking I'm perfect and selfless. 

It might ruin things for you) 

Nope, that's not me. I had a nice little pity party. 

I don't love that car I actually have been praying we could get rid of it and get one that is a little more reliable. You know little things like not stalling every time we drive it.

A working air conditioner too.. Those are my top 2 requests. But I digress. 

I started telling God all the things we have done for him. 

I'm all, we left our friends and family and church God. 

We came here were we have no guaranteed paycheck.

We've given so much  

We built this thing you told us to, 

we've been obedient and we were actually driving home from helping people when this happened. 

It's not fair! Why do selfish people get nice cars and we are giving everything just to drive this car that needs to be pushed 90% of the time. (yeah, I'm not selfish *rolling my eyes at myself*)

Then this thing happened. I don't know how to explain it.

 It wasn't instant but it did happen. I stopped caring.  

I started thinking about the lady with a baby that took the outfit that Zoe grew out of for her child who was clearly older than Zoe. 

She actually smiled when she picked it up like it was the cutest thing she had ever seen, and it was hers.  

The baby is on the right (her mom has the sleeper in her hand)

I thought of the pregnant woman who made a beeline for the baby clothes pile and 

I remember how I had to get rid of some of the clothes I was given for Zoe 

because she was given so much and I couldnt bring it all.

I think about the basket of baby clothes I have. Full of stuff that fits my little one.

The other basket with stuff for her to grow into.

And then I told someone else the story of the car. 

I laughed. I kept laughing. My "someday I'll laugh" happened today. 

I joked "next time I'll be more specific when I pray we can get rid of something" 

God answered my prayer. Ok, so we don't have another car. 

Yes our car is basically worthless now. 

But is that a surprise to God?

Is that more than he can handle?

Is that the worst thing that has ever happened to me?

No, no, no. 

The theme of my life seems to be letting go of control. 

Letting God be in control and not freaking out when I'm surprised.

Sometimes I get it right but most of the time I don't.

Most of the time I freak out.

I'm a control freak. 

I "need to know" what is going to happen. 

 Someday I'll learn.

By the way, does anyone want to buy a "classic car" for display only? 

it needs one new window

 

 

A Rainbow

February 2nd was one of the hardest days of our lives. We lost our sweet baby boy Caleb when he was only 2 days old. While we know he is in Heaven and that gives some comfort it doesn’t completely take away the pain of what happened and the fact that we miss him.  

But God is faithful and has sent a rainbow in the midst of our storm.

"Rainbow Babies" is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.

~Courtney

This week we discovered we are expecting another baby he or she is due April 7th 2013. Please pray for us that this would be a boring and happy pregnancy. It was a surprise but we are thrilled beyond words.  

Hero

It's important to be careful about who you allow to be a hero in your life. Humans are human and will make human choices. This is why no matter how much I admire someone I am very careful to say they are my hero. That said, one person I have always had as a hero in my life is a woman named Elisabeth Elliot. There are many reasons I have always looked up to her and yet I hadn't thought about it in a long time. I was reminded this week. In case you don't know who she is I'll tell you. She was a missionary in Ecuador and married to Jim Elliot. When their daughter was 10 months old Jim Elliot was killed by the very people he went to serve. This has made him a legend, and someone many people I know look up to. I look up to him too, but I think his wife Elisabeth is the real hero of the story. After he died she went to live in the village with the people that killed him for 2 years. I had forgotten that all this happened in Ecuador the country a few hours north of us. Which makes it even more personal and relatable to me. I have been places she has probably been. I don't know that I could have chosen to do what she did. I know now a similar grief from losing my son of natural causes. But I can't imagine how much more difficult it would be to continue living among and working with people that chose to murder my husband. She is a hero to me.

I was reminded of her story because I keep hearing allusions to and speculations that I will go home because of Caleb's death. So I just want to clear something up. When I was 13 years old God called me to missions. It took me 15 years to get here but here I am. His call has not changed. I can't think of anything worse than to walk away from my passion, my life work on top of losing my son. If there has ever been something I feel like I can be proud of about myself it's that no matter what has happened to me in my life I have never been one to give up.  I don't quit. 

I was looking at a bunch of quotes from Elisabeth Elliot and she said a couple things that stood out to me

“This job has been given to me to do. Therefore, it is a gift. Therefore, it is a privilege. Therefore, it is an offering I may make to God. Therefore, it is to be done gladly, if it is done for Him. Here, not somewhere else, I may learn God’s way. In this job, not in some other, God looks for faithfulness.” 

“Does it make sense to pray for guidance about the future if we are not obeying in the thing that lies before us today? How many momentous events in Scripture depended on one person's seemingly small act of obedience! Rest assured: Do what God tells you to do now, and, depend upon it, you will be shown what to do next.” 

“Faith's most severe tests come not when we see nothing, but when we see a stunning array of evidence that seems to prove our faith vain.”

“To be a follower of the Crucified means, sooner or later, a personal encounter with the cross. And the cross always entails loss.”

“Our vision is so limited we can hardly imagine a love that does not show itself in protection from suffering. The love of God is of a different nature altogether. It does not hate tragedy. It never denies reality. It stands in the very teeth of suffering. The love of God did not protect His own Son. It was the proof of His love – that He gave that Son, that He let Him go to Calvary’s cross, though “legions of angels” might have rescued Him. He will not necessarily protect us- not from anything it takes to make us like His Son. A lot of hammering and chiseling and purifying by fire will have to go into the process.”

I want to be like her. One thing I can say is I agree with her about everything. I'm still not happy about Caleb's death and I doubt I will ever be happy about it. But I know it was for my good. I know that God still has a plan for me and I will not allow the enemy to put this in his victory column. I am going to do as Paul said in Hebrews 12

 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up. After all, you have not yet given your lives in your struggle against sin.

I've said many times that I believe the safest place to be is in the center of God will. But I am going to expand that. The best place to be is in the center of God's will. It's better to be in the center of Gods will and in a 3rd world country than in the comforts of the United States. My life can be taken. My children's lives can be taken. It might be the hardest thing I ever have to do but until God tells me something different this is where I'm supposed to be.

When I die I wil answer to God for the choices I make. So I have chosen to follow him no matter where he leads me. No matter how hard that road is. No matter who disagrees or rejects me. 

Life

You know those people that have mountain size faith? They get hit with something that seems impossible to recover from and they just kind shake it off and move forward. In my mind they are to faith what Rocky is to boxing. You should never count them out because no matter what hits them they always come back stronger than ever. Jose is one of those people. His faith and steadiness in the storms we have gone through always points me back to the one who holds our future in his hand.

I on the other hand am not like Rocky. I usually get blindsided by that first punch and then reel for a little bit before I get my head back in order. Then I'm usually ready for the fight. A couple months ago I mentioned that we needed prayer for the baby because I have low amniotic fluid. Last night I was talking with a friend and we naturally started talking about the baby. She asked me how I'm doing. I kind of just spilled my guts about how I've been feeling in general. It was good and healing and while I was talking to her God was talking to me.

About a year ago a big percentage of my prayer life was me telling God I wanted to have more kids but it just didn't seem like it was possible. I had so many questions and logistical concerns and was just trying to get God to show me what to do. Then La Casa Del Padre had a conference and brought in 3 prophets. I was not at the conference and didn't even expect to meet them, but on Sunday they called Jose and I up on stage so they could pray and prophesy over us. One of them told me he saw divine protection for our family and angelic assignments over our children not just the ones that we already had but the ones that were coming. He said that I had many, many questions but God just had a smile on his face as he poured out a divine grace over our family for more children, even when the circumstances are not as great as we may think they should be. The things that he said gave me peace and I let it go. Just waiting for God's timing. Jose and I decided that April would be good timing for us to start trying for another baby. That was obviously the right timing because I got pregnant right away. Long before the pregnancy test would have come up positive I knew.

Since we were moving in the middle of the pregnancy and our plan was to visit Piura in my 12th week. My US Dr never saw me before 12 weeks so it seemed like a good plan. Things for us are always subject to change though and through about 4 different circumstances we ended up postponing our trip to my 15th week. The week before we came La Casa Del Padre had the Pastors mentors (Pastor Danny an Giselle Bonilla) in town. They happen to be American and they also operate in the prophetic. They were talking to Jose and I after the service and she told me she saw a little girl that looked like me preaching to a crowd. Then she asked if I had a little girl. I told her no but I'm pregnant so you never know.

So we get to Piura and I have my Dr's appointment. He couldn't find the heartbeat, so he did an ultrasound. The baby's heart beat was strong but my amniotic fluid was low, the baby was measuring a week small and wasn't moving around. He was kind but told me what to watch for if I were to have a miscarriage. I was blindsided by this he didn't have anything he could do and there was nothing I could do. I started to think I would lose the baby. We emailed a few people and told them to pray. I didn't tell everybody and I didn't know when I would be able to. I didn't want to hear anything good or bad about other people that had been through it. I just needed to process and pray.

My mentor emailed me Exodus 23:25-26 "So you shall serve the Lord your God & he will bless your bread & water. And I will take away sickness from the midst of you. No one shall suffer miscarriage or be barren in your land; I will fulfill the number of your days." Jose randomly decided to listen to the recording of the prophecy from last year and I heard the things he said about angelic assignments over our children to come. Then God gave me Jeremiah 29:11 "For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope." And I remembered something Pastor Danny Bonilla told me when we were talking that night. He said "I feel like God wants you to know that everything is going to be ok with your baby" Those things bound me up and got me ready to fight. We shared our prayer request with the world and many people joined us in praying for the little life inside of me. I had confidence that this child would live.

We went back for another appointment last week. I felt ready for any kind of news. The news we got was that my amniotic fluid is still low. He couldn't tell for sure but he thinks it's a girl and she has caught up in her growth. (no small babies for me) She was moving around a lot and her heart beat is still strong. Then he told us he had thought we were going to lose her when we went in the first time but she's growing and active and it seems like she's going to make it. I left feeling ok. I knew that it was possible my amniotic fluid was still low and to be honest I'm 6 months pregnant and still look like this.

Which he said is because of my amniotic fluid. So I wasn't really all that surprised. But a few days after the Dr I started to worry.

Have you ever read a story in the bible and gotten frustrated with the people and their response to God? Whenever I read about the Israelites and their time in the desert I just want to shake them. I want to yell "God just let you walk through the sea and then drowned the Egyptians! WHY are you complaining? Did you already forget?" But I'm not like that with myself. I come back to God praying for peace and comfort when he gave me a pile of comfort to fall back on. I mean, how many pregnant women get 3 different prophets telling them their baby is going to be ok? yeah, not many. I know I'm weak and just as bad as the Israelites I want to yell at.

But now I'm fighting. My little girl is going to be named Zoe. It's a name Jose and I picked out 8 years ago. Before we were even married. Zoe means Life which I think is prophetic in and of itself.

Deeper!

This year has been such an amazing year for us. I can't believe it's only half over! I feel like we have all grown and learned so much just from experiencing God. I could go on about this for awhile but there is so much else for me to talk about that I'll save it for another post. ;)

One of the biggest blessings for us was something that just happened! Jose and I planned our trip to the states in March so we could be a part of the Intense mens conference/father son campout. The only downside, we couldn't stay long enough to be a part of our 15th anniversary conference. So we enjoyed our time there. Only told a few people what we had faith for and PRAYED. So 2 weeks before the conference Jose gets an email that the tickets have gone down to half the normal price (the only time we have seen that happen) so we got blessed with the tickets to go to Houston! We surprised our Pastors and most of our church and had a great weekend of spiritual refreshing! I can't even begin to describe all the ways we got blessed last week while we were there. I will just summarize by saying that God is always, always faithful! He provided for every need we have and used some amazing and often surprising ways to do it. :) 

Some highlights from the conference

*We burned the note! Our building is paid off and Jordan Ranch is more than halfway there! I can't express how exciting this is for us!

*Jose turned 10! He got saved 10 years ago at the 5th anniversary conference. I will always be grateful to God for bringing Pastor Watkins to Katy Tx 15 years ago. Without him my husband would not be the man he is today. We will never forget where we came from!

*The teaching from the other covenant pastors. So awesome to hear the word from brothers in the faith!

*Seeing 57 men, women, and youth get commissioned!

*Visiting with Pastor Carven and Juanita Izaks from Namibia, South Africa. A brother and sister in the Lord and we love having them as a part of our family :) 

*The look on Pastor GF's face when he saw us walk into the sanctuary!

* Seeing so many people we love! We didn't have enough time to spend with most of you and we really wish we could have. But it was encouraging as always to see you and hear what God is doing in your lives!

There is too much stuff to list on one post!

   

One of the things we got blessed with was THE camera I've been praying for. I took over 300 pics and narrowed it down to about 90 favorites. So here are some of the best of the best. Or at least some of my favorites :)

We also got to say hi to some of our family. My niece is cuter than ever and likes Jose more than me. It's really not fair ;) Also my brother looks like an adult now. Which is so weird because when I think about him he is still in his 15 year old body. Why do they have to grow up (I admit he is almost 24 so I should probably adjust his age in my mind) 

For Nothing is impossible with God ~ Luke 1:37

Dream On

I've been thinking a lot about dreams lately because I have some pretty enormous ones. The funny thing about dreams is that not everyone has the same ones. Some people dream of being rich and famous. Some dream of accomplishing a great athletic feat like running a marathon or becoming a professional athlete. There a millions of kinds of dreams and they are as varied as the people that have them.

I know that most people think my dreams are crazy. Who would dream of giving away everything they own, moving to a third world country, (away from most of the people they love) and living totally by faith in God? Not many at all actually. It has to be a God given dream. I can't imagine ever having dreams of being famous, a politician, an athlete...those things seem crazy to me. Necessary (I guess) but crazy. But that's not my dream. Maybe it's yours.

Living your dream, no matter what it may be takes work. Hard work. Sometimes you will feel like it's impossible. Sometimes you will doubt if that dream is really the right one for you. The thing about dreams though is, if it's worth doing it won't be easy. Athletes aren't just born good at their sport. It takes years of hard work and practice to build up the skill and strength to be good. It takes the perfect balance of skill, discipline and talent to do what they do.

Even something like being a parent can be a dream. But any parent will tell you becoming a parent was (for most people) the easy part. Raising kids requires decades of self sacrifice, discipline, and lots of hard work. Which seems to me like its the recipe for living any dream worth dreaming.

A long, long time ago, I tutored 2nd graders. In those class rooms I would always see signs that said things like "go confidently in the direction of your dreams" "if you can dream it you can do it" "DREAM BIG" "Shoot for the stars, if you miss you will still reach the moon" and tons of other little statements about dreaming. I loved it. I'm a strong believer in dreams. I'm a dreamer. But the real world is hard on dreamers. The real world says "be practical" "be normal" "how can you even think of doing something like that?" "Maybe you should rethink this" Strive for a big house, a good job, a nice car (or 3), 2.5 kids and maybe a dog. Or as my Pastor says "get all you can, can all you get, and sit on the can" People long for comfort. I'm not going to lie, one of my dreams involves an ocean view with a bay window and a good book.  Total comfort dream. But I know that God made me for greatness and that is not going to happen if my only desire is to be comfortable.

So if you wonder how I feel really. Overall about everything we are doing. This is the answer. It's hard. Really, really hard. But I am living my dream and I love it. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

What's your dream?

Confession of a "Missionary"

Ok, so something has been bugging me ever since I found out I was supposed to be a missionary. I grew up reading biography's of amazing men and women of God. People like George Mueller, Amy Carmichael, Mother Theresa and Hudson Taylor. Those people were MISSIONARIES! I am not those people!
If I were catholic those people would be like saints to me. I mean in my mind you become a missionary you automatically know stuff. You obviously never sin (or think about sinning) and never, ever doubt. Obedience to God should come naturally and if you are not out helping out the poor and downtrodden you are probably just chillin' in your prayer closet or memorizing Leviticus (because you already memorized all the "easy" books)
Maybe I'm the only person who thinks like that. Actually, I know I'm not but someone has to say something. We have to stop the insanity!
So anyway, here I am minding my own business serving God. And we are so cool like that. I'm all, "where you go I'll go what you say I'll say God. What you pray I'll pray" and then I hear "really?" and I say "I can't hear you right now, I'm worshipping you. Can you see me here worshipping? you really shouldn't..., you know..., interrupt" Then I wait a second thinking I've got him there. Because when God says "really?" you can't say no, but it can be so scary to say yes.  So I try to pretend like I never heard the question. You know? I think for a little while that maybe God forgot that I had even said I would go where he goes and say what he says. But it's always there. This sensation in my chest like my heart will explode whenever I hear about "missions". This bizarre sense of jealousy when I hear other missionaries talking about their experiences. The way my eyes want to cry when I see pictures of unloved and abandoned children. But deep down inside I know. I know that I'm not good enough to be a missionary. I mean, there are a million ways I can think of off the top of my head that make me a horrible choice as a missionary. I get jealous. I have been known to lose my temper. I'm terribly selfish, I really like long hot showers with good water pressure and while I'm being honest. It is REALLY hard to trust God. I mean it's the easiest thing to say, but I cannot tell you how many times I have gotten irritated with people because they tell me to trust God. When all I can see is the ocean in front of me and the army behind me, coming to bring me back to Egypt. What kind of missionary would I make?

Then I decide to try something new. I say yes. YES! I will be a missionary...some day. I mean, I just had a baby and Jose is loving what he's doing and we bought a house. I mean now is just NOT the time. But you know in a few years. When we are ready. Then we will be missionaries.
Of course as you may already know God had already been working on Jose's heart. He had his own conversations with God. So we talked about it. I was settled on it, and I was starting to want to be a missionary. But there was still that feeling in my chest that would tense up and the voice in my head saying "YOU ARE CRAZY!!!!!! WHAT are you thinking? What about the showers? What about your friends and family? what if you DIE?"

Years passed. Jose and I grew in our relationship with God. We went through some trials that helped us to learn about trusting God. We went through some times of intense discipleship. We got a lot of time working "in the kitchen" at our church. And then almost as if Jose and I had been listening to the same song and it was just coming to the crescendo we both knew. We needed to go and we needed to go now. So we talked to our pastor about it and he said to go visit. We flew out to Peru for 2 weeks and fell in love. When we came we thought ok, we will go get our checkmark that we went and then go back to our regularly scheduled lives. But no. We got here and we knew we needed to be here.

The next year was spent preparing. Raising support. Getting rid of stuff. Trying to get ready to come back. We said to good bye, to family, friends, our church, and our water pressure. Then we boarded a plane and we went, this time it was to stay.

So now we are here. We live in Peru. I obeyed. I'm a "missionary". But, I still don't feel like a missionary. I'm still selfish, I still get angry and jealous. I still miss my shower. I don't have the bible memorized and I struggle to spend enough time in prayer. Obedience and trusting God still don't come naturally. I often freak out because I don't know what God is planning and it seems like he will never tell me. When I hear the term "missionary" in my head the definition is "perfect christian, self sacrificing, never does anything wrong because they are too busy serving the Lord to mess up." When in reality a missionary is really nothing more than a christian. Someone who loves God. Trying to work out their salvation just like any other christian. I'm still not "good enough" to be a missionary. I'm not good enough to be a christian either. Nothing I do will make me good enough. But that's not the point. Nothing any of those other missionaries did made them good enough either. They just had to make a choice. Every christian has a choice to make every day. Whether they are a Pastor, a missionary, a plumber, a stay at home mom or whatever. We have to choose to answer the call that God gives us. And let him be good enough. If I was good enough on my own I would not need God. But I NEED Him.  Everyday I'm reminded how much I need Him.

So my call is missionary. I'm almost used to being called that. Almost. What is your call? What is it that God is asking you to do that you can't do on your own? It might feel weird at first. It might not fit just right when you first try it on. But if you trust Him. If you are "confident that God, who began the good work in you will be faithful to continue the work until it is finally finished on the day that Jesus Christ comes" (Philippians 1:6) He will.

The beat goes on...

We are starting to work out a rhythm to our life here. I don't know how other people do it, but when I get in a new situation I feel like I just need to get my routine down and then I can feel comfortable. Ok, I admit it deep down inside I'm really 5 years old. I like to have a bedtime and a schedule. I don't like winging it too much.
Speaking of schedule's. We started school last week. I'm loving every minute of it. Well almost every minute the one's where Logan whines about stuff are not my favorite. But we are working through it. Logan has 3 favorite things about school. Math (I'm pretty sure he gets that from Jose) art (all me) and Lego's (no idea) Yes, that's right Lego's are a subject in our school. As a matter of fact if kindergarten had majors my children would be majoring in Lego construction. The amazing thing about Lego's is the boys will play with them for hours and they don't even fight over them. If I was catholic I would nominate the inventor of Lego's for sainthood. But since I'm not catholic I will just thank God for them. I never thought I would say Lego's that many times in one paragraph. Really, I never thought I would have any reason to talk about them. Who knew?

I may have mentioned this before but our house is actually an apartment. There are 3 other apartments in our building. One below us. One across from us and one on the third floor. Our front door is on the second floor but we have 3 floors to our apartment. Anyway, on Thursday the boys and I were home alone all day. It was a normal enough day. Friday morning Jose's dad went out to get some stuff and saw our neighbor. They told him that the apartments on the 1st and 3rd story had been robbed during a 3 hour period on Thursday. Our doors here have these crazy locks that seem impossible to break into but the robbers had a tool that broke them. I NEVER HEARD A THING. We believe that the thieves heard me and the boys in the apartment and weren't sure which one we were in so they skipped our floor. We also know that everyday we pray a hedge of protection around our home that no one with evil intentions would be able to come near us. God protected us and our stuff. We are going to use wisdom and have another lock installed and I think our landlady will be installing electric fences around the exterior walls soon. Just know that your prayers are powerful! We feel them every single day.

Our first day in Lima in pictures + update!!!

The first day here was exciting

We were all up early and ready to see what we could accomplish...but we didn't realize Peru doesn't really wake up until around 10 or 11

so we hung out around the hotel for awhile

 

When we did get out to the stores they weren't all open anyway but we enjoyed a nice walk.

In fact we walked and walked and walked.

But the boys still had energy so we let them play at the playground.

They were not the least bit excited about it

  

We ate at my current favorite restaurant

They have a cute little flower cart outside.

After lunch we drove around for a few hours looking for houses with for rent signs outside...we didn't find many but that didn't really matter.

We finished out the day at a grocery store named Wong. Jose got our cell phones set up and me and the boys sat in the little coin operated car area.

They liked this one

We have really seen God's hand and just favor over us the whole time here.

Even when we were flying over here. We checked with the airline the day before we left to find out how much it would cost if we checked extra baggage they said $140 per bag. We decided to buy an extra suitcase and check it because we were just running out of options. Tuesday morning at 4 am we showed up at the airport with our 11 suitcases, 5 carry-ons and 5 personal items. We weighed everything to make sure we weren't over weight and had to move a few things to carry ons. Jose went to check the bags and they said it was only an extra $40 instead of $140. Jose decided to go ahead and check 2 of our carry-ons as well because it was so much cheaper (plus we really didn't want that many carry ons.) The lady called her supervisor over at the end to sign off on everything and the supervisor said "no, you were supposed to charge them $140 for each additional bag" then she told Jose "sir because of our mistake we are going to let you check these 3 bags for free" We didn't have to pay any extra fees for our bags at all!

Secondly when we went out with the realtor she had 2 apartments to show us in our price range, and 2 that were slightly higher than we wanted to pay. We looked at all of them and Jose and I both liked the first one we looked at (which was in our price range hallelujah). All the places in the area we need to be in were unfurnished though. So while we waited to get the contract from the owner we decided to go price furniture and appliances (houses don't even come with ovens here) I'm not going to lie. Looking at how much everything was going to cost and even just trying to furnish a complete house from nothing was a little intimidating. But I serve a big God. That night we went to meet with the owner (a former actress/tv host) We were there for about 2 hours talking about the house/living arrangement/her health/the realtors family/ etc.... this is Peru you don't have short meetings about one specific thing and then move on here. In the process of our conversation she asked if we have furniture. We told her we don't and she said "My daughter lived here for 3 months. She bought everything new and left it with me when she moved. I'll tell you what, if you want I can furnish the house for an extra $200 a month then when you go to Piura you can have it all if you want it. I even have trucks that go up there all the time you can take it in one of my trucks when you go."  All we need to get is linens and some kitchen items to have everything we need for our house.

Third. One minor hickup is that the house is brand new. When we were looking at it it didn't have light fixtures and was still being painted. Because of that the house won't be ready until Friday. But our hotel is only available until Tuesday then we were going to have to move to a different room. Not a big deal for us but it would cost us 4 extra night's in the hotel. Yesterday when we were at church we talking with the pastors and the couple that is in charge of the retreat center. They asked where we are staying and we explained the whole situation. When we finished they said "don't spend your money on a hotel we have a guest house behind our house you can stay there until your house is finished." Then Jose asked if we can start moving our luggage over today and the pastor said "just use the church van. I will send it over to pick all your sutff up on Tuesday so you can move everything in one trip"

We have an amazing God. It is so awesome to see his hand on every step of our journey. It is clear he is Jehovah Jireh our provider. We can't wait to see what He is going to do next! 

Please be in prayer with us for a vehicle. There are six of us so we need something that carries at least six comfortably. We are really praying for an H1 mini van (they carry 12 passengers but look like a mini van) We have called on a few used vehicles but they sell for almost the same as new...cars do not depreciate here. 

Thank you so much for all your prayers and support it is deeply appreciated! And we can seriously see/feel the prayers in our daily life!   

Stream of Consciousness...

Most little girls play cinderella or sleeping beauty. Not me, I played Wendy from Peter Pan. I loved pretending to be a mother taking care of my "lost boys." I should have known God would give me little boys. It's hard to recapture the fun of being a make-believe mother living in a forest when you are wiping noses and bottoms, making lunch and taking care of bloody noses. When you live in the forest it doesn't matter if you have dirt on the floor. The floor is dirt. (consequently my floor might as well be dirt right now. I sweep and before I can even "swiffer wet jet" my floor it's dirty again.)

Sometimes I look at my day to day life and think "wow, how much longer is this going to last?" I have a hard time just living in right now. When I start to see a dream coming true I want to run up to it and wrap my arms around it. I don't like the waiting part. Which you would think I would be used to. A couple years ago when we would talk about moving to Peru I would get kind of nervous. The nervousness that comes from not knowing what your getting yourself into or what it will be like. I still don't know what it will be like. And I'm sure I don't know what I'm getting myself into. But I'm deliriously happy to be going now. When we arrived in Peru last September I was less than dazzled by the airport and exhausted from the trip so I can't remember exactly what my first thoughts there were. I do remember the first day there. I fell in love. The way I hear people describing their feelings for Italy or Paris. That is how I felt there. All I could think was "I get to live HERE!?" So now I'm counting down the weeks and days until I get to go back. Only this time we actually get to do something! We get to minister the love of Jesus to a nation of hurting and dying people.

When Jose initially spoke to the pastor we will be working with the first year he told him our heart is for Piura. He said we were the third couple that mentioned Piura to him and nothing has happened. No one has followed through. Can you imagine what God must have in store for that part of the country? I am giddy just thinking about it.

(aren't we cute...especially him!)

Jose and I were both in wedding's last week. Mine was Sunday (and I have NO pictures) :( His was Saturday. Both had brides named Melissa. (odd) They were both beautiful and I am so happy for both of them. I've been able to see both of them grow up in their relationships with God and I've been able to watch both of their relationships (with their husbands) blossom. I love you girls! I pray for both of you and we take our roles as your sister and brother in Christ very seriously! Congratulations Mrs. Greenwade and Mrs. Echevarria!  

Musings on moving and our current life

This month has been (and continues to be) crazy...
this month Jose is standing in a wedding and Logan and I are in a different one. My baby brother graduated from college today. Jose's baby brother graduates from high school in 2 weeks. On Tuesday Jose and I celebrate our 6th anniversary. Next week I'll be 28...at this point getting older doesn't bother me...maybe because the vast majority of people think I'm 20 or so. I don't know. Maybe I'll change my mind when I turn 30?

Every time I look at the calendar or someone mentions getting together with me before we go I realize how soon we are leaving. I remember thinking in January that I can't say we are leaving next year anymore now it's THIS YEAR. Now it's less than 3 months away. We are moving out of our house in July...anyone need house stuff? We are getting rid of everything. Thinking about getting rid of everything makes me realize how little all that stuff matters. I look at some of the stuff that was *so important* for me to have back then and now I'm giving it away.

I'm feeling a greater dependance on God lately. I know I talk about it alot but I guess that's because that's what I think about right now. I'm relying on God to take care of me even in the most minor scheduling details. For instance I wanted to take a short trip with my extended family before we leave and in spite of 7 adults with very busy lives we managed to work out a weekend that we can all do it. That may seem easy to you but it has proven very difficult for us to accomplish in the past so I see it as a miracle.

T-Minus

86 days until we move out of our house...
96 days until we leave Houston to visit family and friends on our way to Miami...
110 days until we leave Miami for Peru...

This my friends is what life in fast forward feels like...So much to do so little time

Trust & Obey

Lately I've had so much I want to talk about that I get on here start writing and get distracted by my other thoughts. So I have to put the computer down and walk away to regroup. (I'm sure the 3 people that read this are very happy to know that lol)

Anyway I have really been thinking about obedience lately. I'm regularly finding myself telling Logan to do something simple like pick up his toys or put on his shoes or any number of random little things and coming up against the evil question"WHY?" not that I'm against telling him why his toys should be put away or his shoes should be on or he should not eat the thing he picked up off the ground. It's just that while I'm answering him he is not doing what I asked him to do, he usually has follow up why's and yes, it comes to the point that he forgot what I asked him to do. So once its explained I have to start the whole process again. Sometimes I wish I could explain to him (in a way he really would understand) that when I ask him to put on his shoes 9 times out of 10 his shoes need to go on so we can do something he likes. Go to the park, library, church, get a watermelon slush, something. If he would just obey me the first time I ask I would be so much more willing to take him places like the park or the library because he has proven that he can be obedient in the small things even if he doesn't know why.

I look at myself and my highly doubtful, questioning nature and I realize most of the time when God (or my husband...ouch) ask me to do something I want to ask them "WHY?" I'm a person who likes to have a plan and understand the reasons, the processes, the beginning from the end, all of it. I don't do well with reasons like "just because" or "just do what I'm asking you and you will find the benefits later" the phrase Obedience is better than sacrifice stings me almost everytime because I would rather make sacrifices than be uncomfortable or do something I don't understand or want to do.

 The other night Jose and I were talking with one of the guys he mentors. The guy asked why he needs to do something not in a rebellious way just in a "tell me again so I know why I'm working so hard for this" way. We gave him some answers and I just kind of blurted out "Really, you don't need to know why. You just need to do it." Yikes! I think back on some things I've said to people in moments of counseling and ministry and I realize it's all for me. God always gives me words for people that also apply to me even when it applies to me in a completely different situation.

I'm also learning that when you are obedient to God and the things he tells you there are always friends (sometimes...usually Christians) that don't understand and question you again and again. Making it even more difficult to do what God told you to do. I'll give you an example of something in my life right now. In our preparations for Peru we have been getting rid of *stuff* lots and lots of stuff (it's kind of a relief to be loosing so much clutter from our lives) Very well meaning friends and family have encouraged us to sell our stuff to pay for part of the trip or replace the stuff when we get to Peru something along those lines. We have considered it but we both know deep down that God told us to give it away. I'm not going to lie, my natural mind does start thinking "but if we sold this we could get at least $$$ for it which would buy xyz and that would be so much easier than just trusting God to provide it" Yes, it's easy to think that way and hard to explain the other way of thinking but in the end all God is asking us to do is trust Him and obey what he's asked us to do (hmm that sounds familiar)

So here we go. I'm trusting God and doing what he told me to do.