The miraculous in the mundane

Mornings are kind of like a chaotic machine in this house. Everyone already knows what has to happen between 6-6:45 but somehow they need the gentle reminders from mom to feed the animals, get their lunches, brush their teeth etc... Normally after everyone leaves I like to try to get an extra 30 minutes of sleep in before I start my day because I already feel like I ran a mini marathon just getting them out the door. ha. But, for the past week the water has been shut off every day around 8:30 am-7pm more or less. I think it has something to do with preparations for el Niño since that is the reason for everything lately but I knew this morning that if I wanted to take a shower and do more than one load of laundry I had to get up to the roof (where our washing machine is) and do some laundry. So I said goodbye to my kids kissed my husband and gathered all our dirty clothes on my way up. I picked the most important stuff (school uniforms or Jose's stuff it's always a gamble) and prayed as I started that the water would stay on at least through the end of the rinse cycle. A couple days ago I tried to wash our sheets and the water cut off about 20 minutes in the washing machine paused but it didn't automatically restart and when the water came back on 9 hours later it was brown...It's really dark upstairs and I didn't realize it when I restarted the washer. I didn't know until I got back inside and by then the damage was done. The sheets aren't really stained but they smell so weird, I don't know if it's from sitting wet.but.not.washed.for.9 hours or from being rinsed in brown.for.unknown.reasons.water or a mix of both. So that's also in my pile of things to wash again today to try to get the funk out of the sheets. (thank you God we have 2 sets of sheets)

I had a long list of things to accomplish using water so I wanted to try to get them all done before 8
Take a shower. check
wash dishes. check
do another load of laundry. check
By then it was actually 9 and Jose showed up he needed to shower then we had some errands to run. I  thought we would be out of water for the day but when we got home I had water to do everything else I needed to. More cleaning, more laundry, and every time I turned the water on I held my breath expecting the sputtering sound of air escaping from empty pipes. And every time the water came out I said a quick "thank you Jesus." It might sound silly and some I know are used to it. I'm almost there. It's kind of just a part of life now that we may or may not have water or electricity or either and we may or may not know in advance if they will be cut. But I never would have dreamed that would be a part of my life or a part of being a missionary. Sometimes we think that miracles are only things like walking on the water and forget that there are so many miracles that happen every day and we are just used to them so we don't recognize them. So for right now a day of running water so I can catch up on housework was the miracle for me. But sometimes getting through homework with Tim (or him doing it with minimal help and understanding what he's doing) is the miracle. Or having a conversation with someone who doesn't speak any english is my miracle.

We have some friends who hashtag everything life is an adventure and I love that because that's kind of perfect. You never know what will happen in life no matter where you live and every day you have a choice to see it as an adventure or travesty. Sure there are frustrations. Sometimes you might feel like the person on the other side of the counter is trying to make sure you have a bad day. (Sometimes I feel that way) But only you have the power to let them ruin your day.

This verse usually only gets pulled out at the end of November as everyone is preparing to eat Turkey and gather with family. But I feel like it should be posted on the desk where you pay bills. Maybe in the car where you might deal with other people cutting you off. Personally I think I'm going to hang it on my kids doors so I can see it before I walk in and see what their rooms look like ;)

The more we begin to thank God for everything. The more we will see the miraculous in the mundane and the more we will see God using the little things in our lives to shape us into the finished product. 

Share some love

I've been thinking a lot about friends lately. When you aren't in a position to just call a girlfriend up and grab a coffee (or whatever it is you normally do) it makes you realize how much you miss those people. 

I have some friends I grew up with. Some I met as an adult. Some I've never met in person but feel like I have because we've known each other so long and talked almost every day online. Some friends I've spent a lot of time with and other friends I haven't spent much time with them at all. But I know that most of the people I call friends would be there for me the moment I need them. For that I am grateful and blessed. 

I know this is a random blog and it's uncharacteristically short for me. But as I was thinking of my friends I thought. I need to share some love. So I'm putting it out there as a challenge to all of you. I think everyone has at least one person they know who deserves a shout out, a hug, a text saying "you are the best!" or some other show of love and affirmation. So do it! Tell someone you love them. We all need a little love every once in awhile. :) 

All you need is love

Have you ever been on a roller coaster, gotten to like the crest right before the big drop and you really want to get off but theres no way off? So the only thing you can do is just ride it out and wait until the end even if that means putting your head down and trying to ignore the jerky motions the whole time... That feeling kind of describes what I'm feeling right now. 

In the world, especially the U.S. there are so many situations right now that are "hot button" or controversial and "Christians" are taking both sides of the issues. But love has lost its voice. I'm not saying that we should stop talking, not at all. But there are times where we should listen to Paul's advice to Timothy.

^" Again I say, don’t get involved in foolish, ignorant arguments that only start fights. A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people. Gently instruct those who oppose the truth. Perhaps God will change those people’s hearts, and they will learn the truth. Then they will come to their senses and escape from the devil’s trap. For they have been held captive by him to do whatever he wants."

2 Timothy 2:23-26

Maybe it's just me, But when someone starts yelling at me or saying awful things in an angry way I either walk away, curl up in a ball or block them out (mentally or literally) But if someone I disagree with presents their thoughts in a kind, "I still love you if you choose not to agree with me" way I'm way more likely to consider their point of view. 

It's easy to search scripture and find verses about loving each other. But this is probably the best one to me. 

Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us.

And God has given us his Spirit as proof that we live in him and he in us. Furthermore, we have seen with our own eyes and now testify that the Father sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. All who confess that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God. We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love.

God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world. Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. We love each other because he loved us first. 1 John 4:7-19

I'm so tired of hearing about people who walked away from Christ because of the Christians. Truthfully I almost was one of those people. What do we gain by being hateful? I'm a southern girl so I'm going to play that card and use a good old southern idiom here. You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. So why are we throwing vinegar everywhere? Life is hard and we were meant to build each other up. Not tear each other down. 

So I'm offering you a challenge. Show love. Next time someone posts something on Facebook that makes you angry, do what your mama taught you. If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all. Next time you see someone walking down the street that you believe is living life the wrong way give them a hug and tell them Jesus loves them (or if you can't do that just smile) We might now change the world or our city or even everyone we know doing this. But what if we did? What if you could "be the change you want to see in the world" 

What if all we need is love?  

Home

I love that word. Home. It's like a warm blanket and cozy fire on a snowy day. None of those things are actually things I need when I'm home so I'm not sure why I chose that particular metaphor but hey, just go with it.

We chose to have the baby in the US knowing that logistically it would be difficult but in my heart I knew I needed to do it that way. I needed a birth experience that would be completely different from Caleb's just to help me get through it. I will post more about Zoe's birth in another blog post. I'm still writing out the story. I want to remember everything about it.

There have been many times that I have looked around me while I've been in Peru and thought. "I miss my home." At those times I thought I would never get used to living here and I would always miss the states. But this trip made me realize something. I realized that Peru is my real home. I missed it so much while I was away. Of course there are still things I don't like. Of course there are things I miss about the states. I think I will now live in a constant state of missing one place or the other. But that's ok. Peru is where I'm planting my roots. Here I have experienced great joy and great tragedy. Here my family has embarked on a huge adventure. Here is where I intend to grow old and watch my children grow up.

When we arrived in Lima, I walked out of the airport and I was so happy I wanted to cry. When I left in February nothing was certain. I knew that I would be in the states until the baby was born and we had her papers to travel. (yes Newborns need passports. Somehow that surprises everyone lol) I knew that my "due date" was April 7th and I was going to have scheduled c-section but I had no idea when that would happen. I knew that Jose was coming March 10th and would be leaving mid April but we didn't know when. There were so many variables.

About 2 weeks before Jose came to the states it became clear that we needed to move out of our church location and find a bigger more permanent situation. He found a place and about the same time got appendicitis. So he ended up getting an emergency appendectomy and not being able to do anything about moving the church. He ended up having to leave the whole thing in other peoples hands. Our timeline was to move this week. (April 21st will be our first Sunday in the new location.) The new building is rough. It needs a few modifications like a roof and bathrooms. But its ours. When we realized we needed to move this week Jose decided to return to Peru April 10th. He knew that would keep him in the states until Zoe was born but would also get him back here to oversee the most important part of the move. He was planning to bring the boys with him if I couldn't make it with the baby.

But God moved in every way possible. Zoe was born perfectly healthy 4 days after Jose got to the states. She was able to leave the hospital with me. (she is the only one of our kids who was released with me) When I filled out her paperwork they told me it would take 6 weeks to get her social security card (which we needed for her passport) but it actually came in that next week. We went to the courthouse to try to get her birth certificate a week earlier than it was supposed to be ready and it was ready. We went to get her a passport and even on the website it says expedited passports take 2 weeks. Hers was ready in 2 days. God was moving behind the scenes in every way and we were able to all travel back home together 4 weeks after she was born.

I'm typing this on my own bed, in my own room. I have my beautiful healthy baby girl laying on my chest, I hear my boys playing in the other room, and all I can think about is how happy I am to be home.

Fall on your knees

My all time favorite Christmas song is "Oh Holy Night" every time I hear it I am moved almost to tears. It's more than the words it's also the way the music ebbs and swells at the exact perfect moment. But this part gets me every time.

"The thrill of hope, 

a weary world rejoices 

for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn. 

Fall on your knees..." 

Just think about that. The whole world was in the darkest of places, weary really.

If you have every really felt hopeless you probably also experienced weariness. 

It's just this feeling of being so completely drained of anything left to keep going. 

When suddenly something new and glorious comes. 

Hope that makes your heart race. 

Hope that makes everything stop as you fall on your knees to worship the savior of your soul.

Without a doubt 2012 has been the hardest year of my life so far.
There have been good and difficult things this year but when I look back the difficult things seem to overshadow everything else.
I had started this post yesterday morning with a much different idea of which way it was going to go. Then I got word that a dear friend lost her 3 year old son in a car accident.
My heart dropped because I know that pain all too well.
I spent the last day of 2012 crying and praying for my friend
and grieving all over again for my sweet Caleb.
I doubt anything shatters your heart like losing a child.
Nothing anyone says can help.
It's a hopeless, weary feeling.
And yet, I woke up rejoicing. A new day, a new year broke and it is glorious.
I could hear my boys playing in the other room.
I could feel the baby inside of me wiggling and the man I love had his arm around me.
Yesterday all I could see was the pain in this world and today I see
HOPE.
I have no guarantee that this year will be easier than last year.
But I do have hope that it can be.


God gave me this passage last year and it carried me through the difficult times so
I wanted to end this post with it.

 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you,” says the Lord.

Jeremiah 29:11-14a

The silent treatment

The other night I was reading the proverbs to my kids before bed. Every night we (usually Jose actually, but I do it sometimes) read the proverb that corresponds with the date. It was July 17th so we read Proverbs 17. I know it's not earth shattering but it's a fun little thing we do that now we can never skip. If we try Timothy storms into our room 5 minutes after we say good-night saying "wead the Pwoverbs!" It's actually really funny.
Anyway this part stuck out to me.

I always joke that it's my life verse whenever people comment on how quiet I am. Truthfully, it's not my life verse but I do think of it a lot.
The thing about talking is it's easy. Most of us do it non stop from about a year old (or earlier) until we die. Because it's so easy, it's very easy to say things that we don't mean or we haven't thought through. Which is actually a part of the reason that I like writing. I can write out everything in my heart then look back over it and decide if what I wrote is really saying what I want to say. Even so I know I still make mistakes. That's life and a part of human nature. So I try to stick with the "less is more" mindset. (watch this be my longest post ever. lol)

I know it's easy to talk about other people with no bad intentions and then somewhere in there it turns into gossip. I have run into many situations where I realize I have gotten myself stuck on a runaway train and then I don't know what to do. I don't want to offend whoever I'm talking to but at the same time I know that the territory we have crossed into is inappropriate. Am I the only one this happens to? I kind of doubt it but I don't know. I used to just start panicking and whoever I was talking to would realize I wasn't paying attention to what they were saying and would ask if I was ok. While it did work it was a little embarrassing. So lately I've just starting using the honest approach. When I realize what I'm doing I just say. "I'm sorry, can we talk about something else?" or something along those lines. I've also used redirection. You know "Oh! speaking of Mary, Have you tried that new sushi place?" It might not even make sense but it works. (now if I'm ever talking to someone who reads this blog and do that they will know what I'm doing...maybe I should keep this a secret.)

Often things we say are a part of our culture and we don't even think about the actual meaning of what we are saying. There is a word here in Peru that people say all the time when there is a child crying or throwing a fit. The word is "Malcreada" which means "badly made" It's the equivalent of calling someone a brat in english. I've also heard some people say it about family members that don't call as often as the person speaking thinks they should. (Which bugs me in a different way. Phones work 2 ways. I will never understand why people get mad at others for not calling them when they are just as capable of calling but don't) I believe that there is power in the words you speak. I don't tell my children they ARE bad or Brats or anything like that. I tell them their behavior is bad. It's just a slight difference but imagine what a difference it makes. When you tell someone they are bad or mean or rude what do they take away from that? If you tell them they are acting mean or rude or behaving badly that gives them room to adjust their actions.

I have started telling my kids "you are fearfully and wonderfully made" as often as I think about it. I know that I have no control over what other people say to them. But when that person speaks to them I want them to have an overflowing store house of positive reinforcement. I want them to know that God made them just the way they are without hesitation or a second thought. He knew what he was doing and he made them just as they should be. Probably a year ago there was a movie in theaters called "the help" in that movie a maid would tell her charge everyday "you is good, you is kind, you is smart"  I loved that. (as did a lot of people from what I understand)

I could totally break out about 50 other verses from the bible about being careful about what you say. Almost all of Proverbs 18 talks about it and there are tons of other places. But I'm just going to leave it at this.

Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.

We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches.But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself. 

James 3:2-6

Stoned

Picture this. God tells you to go tell everyone you can about Him. In one of the town's everyone starts trying to worship you because they think you are a God. Until some other guys come and turn all those people against you. Next thing you know all the people that were trying to worship you start throwing rocks at you. Not little rocks either. I'm talking, these people are killing you. Somehow they think you are dead and drag you out of town. Considering how they just "killed" you I imagine they weren't exactly gentle with the dragging. Pretty soon all your friends gather around you and you get up. Not only get up but go back into the town full of rock throwers. Spend the night and move on to the next town to tell other people about Jesus. Pretty ludicrous right? I mean I may be abnormally wimpy but if a group of people threw rocks at me I would get out of that town and never look back. If they did it to the point they thought I was dead, then dragged me out of town I'm fairly certain I wouldn't stand up and walk back into town. I'd whimper pathetically to my friends and ask them to carry me to the closest hospital as long as it's in a different town. I would probably take a few days, maybe a few weeks off. Inquire of the Lord if there was any other way I could minister for him. Maybe find a nice community of believers that would be interested in a new Pastor. One thing is sure I would be very hesitant to get back on that traveling circuit.
But that's not what Paul did. He got up and got back to work

  11 When the crowd saw what Paul had done, they shouted in their local dialect, “These men are gods in human form!” 12 They decided that Barnabas was the Greek god Zeus and that Paul was Hermes, since he was the chief speaker. 13 Now the temple of Zeus was located just outside the town. So the priest of the temple and the crowd brought bulls and wreaths of flowers to the town gates, and they prepared to offer sacrifices to the apostles.

14 But when the apostles Barnabas and Paul heard what was happening, they tore their clothing in dismay and ran out among the people, shouting, 15 “Friends, why are you doing this? We are merely human beings—just like you! We have come to bring you the Good News that you should turn from these worthless things and turn to the living God, who made heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them. 16 In the past he permitted all the nations to go their own ways, 17 but he never left them without evidence of himself and his goodness. For instance, he sends you rain and good crops and gives you food and joyful hearts.” 18 But even with these words, Paul and Barnabas could scarcely restrain the people from sacrificing to them.

19 Then some Jews arrived from Antioch and Iconium and won the crowds to their side. They stoned Paul and dragged him out of town, thinking he was dead. 20 But as the believers gathered around him, he got up and went back into the town. The next day he left with Barnabas for Derbe.

Acts 14:14-20

These days stoning isn't quite as popular as it was back then. But from what I understand they didn't use river rocks or even those 4 inch rounded rocks that look nice in gardens. They used the biggest scariest looking rocks they could find and throw. Baseball rules did not apply here. You could use both hands to pick up a stone so those things had to be heavy. I'm thinking paving stones would be a good picture of what I'm talking about. Aside from the weight those things had plenty of jagged edges to cut into the skin as they made contact. I once fell off my bike on a gravel rode. (forethought was not my strong suit at the time) The impact gave me about a 6 inch bruise/cut on my leg. 20 years later I still have a scar. When I think about the way that looked and felt it gives me a little bit of an idea what Paul must have looked and felt like. Assuming he didn't actually die. My bible commentary says that many scholars believe Paul did die and the other believers gathered around him and prayed for him. Bringing him back to life. Either way. Dead or almost dead. What he went through was at the least physically painful. Most likely traumatizing (or it would be for me.) But did Paul quit? no. Did he run away? no. Did he even take a break? NO! 

Sometimes I read my bible and nothing really stands out to me. Other times 2 sentences make me stop and think. Examine what's going on and question my own life in contrast. I don't believe that it's wrong to take an occasional break or sabbatical as the case may be. But at the same time, we cant allow the attacks that come with obedience to God to stop us from doing what he called us to do. Sometimes attacks come from people, other times circumstances. Maybe your car broke down, maybe your parents disowned you. Maybe people think your crazy, maybe your sick, maybe your uncomfortable. Whatever it is that you are allowing to get you thinking about quitting. It's not worth it. Paul said this in Philippians 3:13-14

 but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

The heavenly prize is what is worth it. No matter what you are going through or how you feel. Press on toward the mark. Don't give up. Forget the past, keep moving forward. (yes, I stole that from "Meet the Robinsons") As I was writing this my computer froze and I had to restart it. I lost some of my work. I started to whine to myself about it and then I started laughing. Sometimes, I allow myself to get so caught up in what's happening right now that I start to feel sorry for myself and lose track of what I'm supposed to be doing. Even while I'm trying to write about how important it is to keep moving I almost gave up. Why am I sharing that? I mean I could let you all think that I have this part nailed. I'm talking about it because I've conquered it. But no. I'm working it out. I'm walking through each part of my faith everyday. I'm pressing on and looking forward to what lies ahead. What are you going to do?

Healing Rain

I love rain...
When I was 14 I heard a girl speaking about falling in love with the Lord. She was talking about the desire girls have to feel loved and looking for that love to come from God instead of boys. She mentioned that one thing she loved was purple flowers and God would often give her purple flowers. She told us to have a special thing that could only come from God. Mine was rain. There is just a peacefulness about it that can't be matched. I held onto it for a little while and then I just sort of forgot about it. I still loved the rain but I forgot about my special attachment to it.

We live in a desert area. There is usually a rainy season but we are told it hadn't rained here for the last couple years. That is until February 1st. It rained here the day that Caleb was born. I was in my hospital room trying not to worry and just pray for my baby when I heard the sweet sound of rain drops on the roof and window. The next night as I was trying to sleep after my son went to be with the Lord it happened again. And the next night and the next and the next. For 4 weeks it rained every single night. Even if just a little it still happened. Theres not a great irrigation system here so the streets flooded. The once dry riverbed near our house filled and anything left on the clothesline to dry overnight needed to be rewashed. It was beautiful. Evenings were the hardest for me at the beginning and that is when it always rained.

After about 3 weeks Jose and I were going somewhere and trying to navigate around flooded streets and it was lightly sprinkling and I thought "mmm, I know it's making things difficult but I love this rain" Then it hit me, I remembered the thing about love letters from God and I just broke down. He was there. He knew what I was going through and what I needed most at that time. A reminder of His love for me. God is always there you just have to pay attention.

Hero

It's important to be careful about who you allow to be a hero in your life. Humans are human and will make human choices. This is why no matter how much I admire someone I am very careful to say they are my hero. That said, one person I have always had as a hero in my life is a woman named Elisabeth Elliot. There are many reasons I have always looked up to her and yet I hadn't thought about it in a long time. I was reminded this week. In case you don't know who she is I'll tell you. She was a missionary in Ecuador and married to Jim Elliot. When their daughter was 10 months old Jim Elliot was killed by the very people he went to serve. This has made him a legend, and someone many people I know look up to. I look up to him too, but I think his wife Elisabeth is the real hero of the story. After he died she went to live in the village with the people that killed him for 2 years. I had forgotten that all this happened in Ecuador the country a few hours north of us. Which makes it even more personal and relatable to me. I have been places she has probably been. I don't know that I could have chosen to do what she did. I know now a similar grief from losing my son of natural causes. But I can't imagine how much more difficult it would be to continue living among and working with people that chose to murder my husband. She is a hero to me.

I was reminded of her story because I keep hearing allusions to and speculations that I will go home because of Caleb's death. So I just want to clear something up. When I was 13 years old God called me to missions. It took me 15 years to get here but here I am. His call has not changed. I can't think of anything worse than to walk away from my passion, my life work on top of losing my son. If there has ever been something I feel like I can be proud of about myself it's that no matter what has happened to me in my life I have never been one to give up.  I don't quit. 

I was looking at a bunch of quotes from Elisabeth Elliot and she said a couple things that stood out to me

“This job has been given to me to do. Therefore, it is a gift. Therefore, it is a privilege. Therefore, it is an offering I may make to God. Therefore, it is to be done gladly, if it is done for Him. Here, not somewhere else, I may learn God’s way. In this job, not in some other, God looks for faithfulness.” 

“Does it make sense to pray for guidance about the future if we are not obeying in the thing that lies before us today? How many momentous events in Scripture depended on one person's seemingly small act of obedience! Rest assured: Do what God tells you to do now, and, depend upon it, you will be shown what to do next.” 

“Faith's most severe tests come not when we see nothing, but when we see a stunning array of evidence that seems to prove our faith vain.”

“To be a follower of the Crucified means, sooner or later, a personal encounter with the cross. And the cross always entails loss.”

“Our vision is so limited we can hardly imagine a love that does not show itself in protection from suffering. The love of God is of a different nature altogether. It does not hate tragedy. It never denies reality. It stands in the very teeth of suffering. The love of God did not protect His own Son. It was the proof of His love – that He gave that Son, that He let Him go to Calvary’s cross, though “legions of angels” might have rescued Him. He will not necessarily protect us- not from anything it takes to make us like His Son. A lot of hammering and chiseling and purifying by fire will have to go into the process.”

I want to be like her. One thing I can say is I agree with her about everything. I'm still not happy about Caleb's death and I doubt I will ever be happy about it. But I know it was for my good. I know that God still has a plan for me and I will not allow the enemy to put this in his victory column. I am going to do as Paul said in Hebrews 12

 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up. After all, you have not yet given your lives in your struggle against sin.

I've said many times that I believe the safest place to be is in the center of God will. But I am going to expand that. The best place to be is in the center of God's will. It's better to be in the center of Gods will and in a 3rd world country than in the comforts of the United States. My life can be taken. My children's lives can be taken. It might be the hardest thing I ever have to do but until God tells me something different this is where I'm supposed to be.

When I die I wil answer to God for the choices I make. So I have chosen to follow him no matter where he leads me. No matter how hard that road is. No matter who disagrees or rejects me. 

Life

You know those people that have mountain size faith? They get hit with something that seems impossible to recover from and they just kind shake it off and move forward. In my mind they are to faith what Rocky is to boxing. You should never count them out because no matter what hits them they always come back stronger than ever. Jose is one of those people. His faith and steadiness in the storms we have gone through always points me back to the one who holds our future in his hand.

I on the other hand am not like Rocky. I usually get blindsided by that first punch and then reel for a little bit before I get my head back in order. Then I'm usually ready for the fight. A couple months ago I mentioned that we needed prayer for the baby because I have low amniotic fluid. Last night I was talking with a friend and we naturally started talking about the baby. She asked me how I'm doing. I kind of just spilled my guts about how I've been feeling in general. It was good and healing and while I was talking to her God was talking to me.

About a year ago a big percentage of my prayer life was me telling God I wanted to have more kids but it just didn't seem like it was possible. I had so many questions and logistical concerns and was just trying to get God to show me what to do. Then La Casa Del Padre had a conference and brought in 3 prophets. I was not at the conference and didn't even expect to meet them, but on Sunday they called Jose and I up on stage so they could pray and prophesy over us. One of them told me he saw divine protection for our family and angelic assignments over our children not just the ones that we already had but the ones that were coming. He said that I had many, many questions but God just had a smile on his face as he poured out a divine grace over our family for more children, even when the circumstances are not as great as we may think they should be. The things that he said gave me peace and I let it go. Just waiting for God's timing. Jose and I decided that April would be good timing for us to start trying for another baby. That was obviously the right timing because I got pregnant right away. Long before the pregnancy test would have come up positive I knew.

Since we were moving in the middle of the pregnancy and our plan was to visit Piura in my 12th week. My US Dr never saw me before 12 weeks so it seemed like a good plan. Things for us are always subject to change though and through about 4 different circumstances we ended up postponing our trip to my 15th week. The week before we came La Casa Del Padre had the Pastors mentors (Pastor Danny an Giselle Bonilla) in town. They happen to be American and they also operate in the prophetic. They were talking to Jose and I after the service and she told me she saw a little girl that looked like me preaching to a crowd. Then she asked if I had a little girl. I told her no but I'm pregnant so you never know.

So we get to Piura and I have my Dr's appointment. He couldn't find the heartbeat, so he did an ultrasound. The baby's heart beat was strong but my amniotic fluid was low, the baby was measuring a week small and wasn't moving around. He was kind but told me what to watch for if I were to have a miscarriage. I was blindsided by this he didn't have anything he could do and there was nothing I could do. I started to think I would lose the baby. We emailed a few people and told them to pray. I didn't tell everybody and I didn't know when I would be able to. I didn't want to hear anything good or bad about other people that had been through it. I just needed to process and pray.

My mentor emailed me Exodus 23:25-26 "So you shall serve the Lord your God & he will bless your bread & water. And I will take away sickness from the midst of you. No one shall suffer miscarriage or be barren in your land; I will fulfill the number of your days." Jose randomly decided to listen to the recording of the prophecy from last year and I heard the things he said about angelic assignments over our children to come. Then God gave me Jeremiah 29:11 "For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope." And I remembered something Pastor Danny Bonilla told me when we were talking that night. He said "I feel like God wants you to know that everything is going to be ok with your baby" Those things bound me up and got me ready to fight. We shared our prayer request with the world and many people joined us in praying for the little life inside of me. I had confidence that this child would live.

We went back for another appointment last week. I felt ready for any kind of news. The news we got was that my amniotic fluid is still low. He couldn't tell for sure but he thinks it's a girl and she has caught up in her growth. (no small babies for me) She was moving around a lot and her heart beat is still strong. Then he told us he had thought we were going to lose her when we went in the first time but she's growing and active and it seems like she's going to make it. I left feeling ok. I knew that it was possible my amniotic fluid was still low and to be honest I'm 6 months pregnant and still look like this.

Which he said is because of my amniotic fluid. So I wasn't really all that surprised. But a few days after the Dr I started to worry.

Have you ever read a story in the bible and gotten frustrated with the people and their response to God? Whenever I read about the Israelites and their time in the desert I just want to shake them. I want to yell "God just let you walk through the sea and then drowned the Egyptians! WHY are you complaining? Did you already forget?" But I'm not like that with myself. I come back to God praying for peace and comfort when he gave me a pile of comfort to fall back on. I mean, how many pregnant women get 3 different prophets telling them their baby is going to be ok? yeah, not many. I know I'm weak and just as bad as the Israelites I want to yell at.

But now I'm fighting. My little girl is going to be named Zoe. It's a name Jose and I picked out 8 years ago. Before we were even married. Zoe means Life which I think is prophetic in and of itself.

Dream On

I've been thinking a lot about dreams lately because I have some pretty enormous ones. The funny thing about dreams is that not everyone has the same ones. Some people dream of being rich and famous. Some dream of accomplishing a great athletic feat like running a marathon or becoming a professional athlete. There a millions of kinds of dreams and they are as varied as the people that have them.

I know that most people think my dreams are crazy. Who would dream of giving away everything they own, moving to a third world country, (away from most of the people they love) and living totally by faith in God? Not many at all actually. It has to be a God given dream. I can't imagine ever having dreams of being famous, a politician, an athlete...those things seem crazy to me. Necessary (I guess) but crazy. But that's not my dream. Maybe it's yours.

Living your dream, no matter what it may be takes work. Hard work. Sometimes you will feel like it's impossible. Sometimes you will doubt if that dream is really the right one for you. The thing about dreams though is, if it's worth doing it won't be easy. Athletes aren't just born good at their sport. It takes years of hard work and practice to build up the skill and strength to be good. It takes the perfect balance of skill, discipline and talent to do what they do.

Even something like being a parent can be a dream. But any parent will tell you becoming a parent was (for most people) the easy part. Raising kids requires decades of self sacrifice, discipline, and lots of hard work. Which seems to me like its the recipe for living any dream worth dreaming.

A long, long time ago, I tutored 2nd graders. In those class rooms I would always see signs that said things like "go confidently in the direction of your dreams" "if you can dream it you can do it" "DREAM BIG" "Shoot for the stars, if you miss you will still reach the moon" and tons of other little statements about dreaming. I loved it. I'm a strong believer in dreams. I'm a dreamer. But the real world is hard on dreamers. The real world says "be practical" "be normal" "how can you even think of doing something like that?" "Maybe you should rethink this" Strive for a big house, a good job, a nice car (or 3), 2.5 kids and maybe a dog. Or as my Pastor says "get all you can, can all you get, and sit on the can" People long for comfort. I'm not going to lie, one of my dreams involves an ocean view with a bay window and a good book.  Total comfort dream. But I know that God made me for greatness and that is not going to happen if my only desire is to be comfortable.

So if you wonder how I feel really. Overall about everything we are doing. This is the answer. It's hard. Really, really hard. But I am living my dream and I love it. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

What's your dream?

What is it like?

I broke our laptop the other day. I'm not sure how, but I must have put something on top of it and cracked the screen. So today I am blogging from my phone. That either makes me crazy or amazing. If there are crazy words in here blame it on a combination of my current brain fog and auto complete on my phone.

Several people have been asking us what it's like coming back to America after being in Peru for 8 months. All we can say is it's different. I've started to understand why there are so many small business owners (gas stations, dry cleaners etc...) that are not from the US. Coming here I can see all the opportunities that I never would have recognized before. Also no matter what the economy is doing America is a blessed country. People with "no money" still own cars, live in houses made out of building materials instead of old shipping containers, and have running water. You can turn on most water faucets and have drinkable water. It may not be delicious but at least you know you won't get sick if you drink it. On top of that I see everyone upset about gas costing $3.47 here and I can't think if that's a bad price because in Peru gas is more like $5.

I can see why so many foreigners want to move to America. For them Americans have piles of money just waiting to be scooped up. One of our first days back Jose was in the foyer of our church and noticed several full trash bags, but they had tons of soda cans in them. He was joking that he wanted to go pull out all the cans and get them recycled because in Peru you would never see bags of recyclables mixed with other trash. I was horrified the first couple weeks there because every time I looked outside someone would be digging through our trash. We finally figured out that those people were looking for plastic bottles to recycle. Just wow. Have you ever been that desperate for cash? I know I haven't. EVER

There is a level of moral depravity that is immediately evident in Peru. Pornography is everywhere. Even billboards have nudity that would not be tolerated in America. As I mentioned in a previous post the law enforcement there is little help in most cases. Here they are protectors, there you never know if they are going to protect you or extort money from you. Honestly, I could go on and on but I'll leave it at this. I enjoy not having to see naked pictures everywhere I go and being able to trust the police (when I'm in the U.S.) :)

I also see a huge difference in the ministry world. For one thing the cost of labor is so low in Peru that you cannot find volunteers for ANYTHING. The people with money would rather hire someone else to do the work than do it themselves. The poor people work all the time to feed their family's so they just aren't available to volunteer. It's so weird to us. Jose has such a heart for volunteers and we both think it is an important part of serving God (J and I met volunteering at our church for what it's worth)
On the other hand. Peruvian christians are SO hungry. Everything we share with them is like gold. I've never seen such open hearts to the gospel and to instruction.

Now to be completely honest. I love Peru and I love America. They both have their own things that make me love them. So it's good to be home (so, so good) and it will be good to go back (but I'm not quite ready yet :p )

Fog heart

This morning as we stepped out of the house to begin the days adventure Logan said "wow, it sure it is foggy" as we were driving his mind was stuck on it and as we were getting close to our destination he said "hey, I just realized something. My heart used to be foggy like this and then Jesus swept all the fog away so that now I can see with my heart!"

He is only five years old but he put it in such a sweet way it stuck in my head and I started thinking about how we do allow things to cloud our vision. We start to see people through the mistakes they made. We see ourselves through our own intentions instead of our actions. We see God through the cloudiness of what we think he should do. A lot of us even Christians allow that fog to seep back in and keep us from seeing things that are right in front of us.

Sometimes I get frustrated with other people. I wish that I could make them love God. I wish I could make them stop doing drugs, drinking, cutting themselves or any number of other self destructive things. I wish I could change the world just by telling people how. It seems simple enough. Most people want the world to change but we all get hung up on our fog. We want to save all our friends but not so much our enemies. We like being wronged because it gives us something to be indignant about.

I was thinking about the verse below that is underlined. I couldn't remember where it was found but when I found the chapter I loved how it fit. One of the biggest keys to "removing the fog" is to live by this chapter


If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! But when full understanding comes, these partial things will become useless.
 When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13

and before you go thinking your good because you treat all your friends and family like ^that says to remember this

“You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. ⁴⁴ But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!
Matthew 5:33-34