A day I thought would never come

The average christian parent has certain expectations or at least assumptions that they live with. One of them being that their children will be christians and get baptized or follow whatever example they set. Even so those parents are thrilled and excited when the expectations are met. A child coming to christ is a huge celebration and the same can be said of baptism. However sometimes there is a kink. Some reason why you might set your expectations aside. For example you might have a child who has sensory issues and can't stand the idea of water on his head because it might get into his eyes. For a child like that the idea of putting your head under water for any reason sounds like a really horrible idea. (and that's putting it mildly.)

I just described Timothy. Logan is the one who led Timothy to the Lord and ever since then has been trying to talk him into getting baptized (Did I ever mention that 3 different people who don't know each other or me prophesied that Logan was going to be like John the baptist while I was pregnant with him?) Sometime last week while Jose was talking about this baptism service Timothy volunteered to be baptized. I wasn't there so when Jose mentioned it I looked something like this

I should mention that Jose and I have different kinds of faith. When we have no money or are getting close. I have gotten to a place where I just expect God to take care of it. While Jose does a lot of math. I know he's worried about money when I find sheets of paper with numbers scribbled all over them. I on the other hand really struggle to have faith that everything will work out with Timothy. In my heart I know that God is taking care of it (just like Jose knows that God will take care of our finances) But when I'm looking at it day in and out it gets easy to think that he will always be set in whatever particular way he's currently set in and will never change. But Jose doesn't have that problem. He pushes him and believes he can and will get and be better than what he settles for currently. So, I admit, I got annoyed with Logan for continuing to ask. I even told him that Timothy would do it when he was ready (which was true) but I realize now that he needed that peer pressure from his brother to recognize the importance of making that decision. 

We asked him several times if he was sure he wanted to do it. Jose mentioned it every day this week and every day Timothy affirmed that yes, he wanted to be baptized. I let him wear his swim trunks to church and he was dressed before we woke up actually. He wanted to do it first thing when we got there but alas, he had to wait. 

He literally buzzed with excitement all through church. He sat with me and kept humming and clapping and asking me when he would get to be baptized. Then the moment came. He was by the pool the second they announced it. 

I love the progression of these photos. You can see how happy and excited he is and when he comes out of the water you can see how much he hates the water in his eyes.

I have been a mess all day. A happy mess. Every time I think about it I start to tear up and think about how good God is and how proud I am of Timothy. He may not act or think like most kids his age. But he has a very real relationship with God that he is working out in his own way. 

Today my son inspired me and showed me that he (and everybody really) has the ability to push through his discomfort and obey what God is telling him to do.  

And he did it with a joyful attitude.  

He was excited about being uncomfortable.

I wonder, when was the last time you got excited about being uncomfortable?  

Home

I love that word. Home. It's like a warm blanket and cozy fire on a snowy day. None of those things are actually things I need when I'm home so I'm not sure why I chose that particular metaphor but hey, just go with it.

We chose to have the baby in the US knowing that logistically it would be difficult but in my heart I knew I needed to do it that way. I needed a birth experience that would be completely different from Caleb's just to help me get through it. I will post more about Zoe's birth in another blog post. I'm still writing out the story. I want to remember everything about it.

There have been many times that I have looked around me while I've been in Peru and thought. "I miss my home." At those times I thought I would never get used to living here and I would always miss the states. But this trip made me realize something. I realized that Peru is my real home. I missed it so much while I was away. Of course there are still things I don't like. Of course there are things I miss about the states. I think I will now live in a constant state of missing one place or the other. But that's ok. Peru is where I'm planting my roots. Here I have experienced great joy and great tragedy. Here my family has embarked on a huge adventure. Here is where I intend to grow old and watch my children grow up.

When we arrived in Lima, I walked out of the airport and I was so happy I wanted to cry. When I left in February nothing was certain. I knew that I would be in the states until the baby was born and we had her papers to travel. (yes Newborns need passports. Somehow that surprises everyone lol) I knew that my "due date" was April 7th and I was going to have scheduled c-section but I had no idea when that would happen. I knew that Jose was coming March 10th and would be leaving mid April but we didn't know when. There were so many variables.

About 2 weeks before Jose came to the states it became clear that we needed to move out of our church location and find a bigger more permanent situation. He found a place and about the same time got appendicitis. So he ended up getting an emergency appendectomy and not being able to do anything about moving the church. He ended up having to leave the whole thing in other peoples hands. Our timeline was to move this week. (April 21st will be our first Sunday in the new location.) The new building is rough. It needs a few modifications like a roof and bathrooms. But its ours. When we realized we needed to move this week Jose decided to return to Peru April 10th. He knew that would keep him in the states until Zoe was born but would also get him back here to oversee the most important part of the move. He was planning to bring the boys with him if I couldn't make it with the baby.

But God moved in every way possible. Zoe was born perfectly healthy 4 days after Jose got to the states. She was able to leave the hospital with me. (she is the only one of our kids who was released with me) When I filled out her paperwork they told me it would take 6 weeks to get her social security card (which we needed for her passport) but it actually came in that next week. We went to the courthouse to try to get her birth certificate a week earlier than it was supposed to be ready and it was ready. We went to get her a passport and even on the website it says expedited passports take 2 weeks. Hers was ready in 2 days. God was moving behind the scenes in every way and we were able to all travel back home together 4 weeks after she was born.

I'm typing this on my own bed, in my own room. I have my beautiful healthy baby girl laying on my chest, I hear my boys playing in the other room, and all I can think about is how happy I am to be home.

6 months

It's usually not this hard. Most days come and go casually with very little thought of the baby I don't have. But then I have days that are fairly catastrophic and even though the struggles and frustration have nothing to do with my missing child, they do. Why am I so edgy today? Oh yeah, Caleb would have been 6 months old today. I would have told him happy half a year birthday at his morning feeding and we would have been quietly, almost without noticing, celebrating the 6 months he was here. If he was like Logan he would have been crawling by now. If he was like Timothy he would be happy to stick to scooting for several months more. But I will never know what he is like on earth because he is not here.

I'm still sad. I still ache to hold my baby and my eyes fill with tears occasionally when I see babies that are about the age he would be. I guess it's similar to a physical wound. Generally it doesn't hurt so much but when something touches it then the pain is strong for a moment.

The good news is God is faithful. He has carried us through this and at the end of the storm there will be a rainbow.


The week that Caleb went to Heaven my sweet friend Johanna sent me an album through iTunes. That whole album (and "Where I find you"by Kari Jobe) has been very soothing for me. I pretty much played them nonstop for 2 months. The words to this song pretty much sum up how I feel and have felt since the beginning.

Under the wings of God
I will rest, and I will lie in wait
Watching the storm go by
From this shelter of His love and grace

His love is strong
And my hope is here, under the wings of God
Where I belong
And in His love I am safe

When the leaves begin to fall
From the trees of happiness and joy
When the season of sorrow comes
Like a frigid breeze over the frozen soil

His love is warm
And my hope is here under His blazing sun
Where I belong
In His love I am safe

When I am weak He is, He is stronger
When I am slipping He pulls me in close
When I am helpless He will defend me
He is with me wherever I go
Who is like Him? Awesome in power
Who is stronger? His strength has no end
If He is for me, who stands against me?
He will hold me safe in His hands

Thank you for those of you who pray for us and send notes and messages. They mean a lot to us. I love to hear how my baby boy's short life has impacted people. I will never get tired of talking about him so please don't hesitate to mention him to me. (if you want to) 

Healing Rain

I love rain...
When I was 14 I heard a girl speaking about falling in love with the Lord. She was talking about the desire girls have to feel loved and looking for that love to come from God instead of boys. She mentioned that one thing she loved was purple flowers and God would often give her purple flowers. She told us to have a special thing that could only come from God. Mine was rain. There is just a peacefulness about it that can't be matched. I held onto it for a little while and then I just sort of forgot about it. I still loved the rain but I forgot about my special attachment to it.

We live in a desert area. There is usually a rainy season but we are told it hadn't rained here for the last couple years. That is until February 1st. It rained here the day that Caleb was born. I was in my hospital room trying not to worry and just pray for my baby when I heard the sweet sound of rain drops on the roof and window. The next night as I was trying to sleep after my son went to be with the Lord it happened again. And the next night and the next and the next. For 4 weeks it rained every single night. Even if just a little it still happened. Theres not a great irrigation system here so the streets flooded. The once dry riverbed near our house filled and anything left on the clothesline to dry overnight needed to be rewashed. It was beautiful. Evenings were the hardest for me at the beginning and that is when it always rained.

After about 3 weeks Jose and I were going somewhere and trying to navigate around flooded streets and it was lightly sprinkling and I thought "mmm, I know it's making things difficult but I love this rain" Then it hit me, I remembered the thing about love letters from God and I just broke down. He was there. He knew what I was going through and what I needed most at that time. A reminder of His love for me. God is always there you just have to pay attention.

Hero

It's important to be careful about who you allow to be a hero in your life. Humans are human and will make human choices. This is why no matter how much I admire someone I am very careful to say they are my hero. That said, one person I have always had as a hero in my life is a woman named Elisabeth Elliot. There are many reasons I have always looked up to her and yet I hadn't thought about it in a long time. I was reminded this week. In case you don't know who she is I'll tell you. She was a missionary in Ecuador and married to Jim Elliot. When their daughter was 10 months old Jim Elliot was killed by the very people he went to serve. This has made him a legend, and someone many people I know look up to. I look up to him too, but I think his wife Elisabeth is the real hero of the story. After he died she went to live in the village with the people that killed him for 2 years. I had forgotten that all this happened in Ecuador the country a few hours north of us. Which makes it even more personal and relatable to me. I have been places she has probably been. I don't know that I could have chosen to do what she did. I know now a similar grief from losing my son of natural causes. But I can't imagine how much more difficult it would be to continue living among and working with people that chose to murder my husband. She is a hero to me.

I was reminded of her story because I keep hearing allusions to and speculations that I will go home because of Caleb's death. So I just want to clear something up. When I was 13 years old God called me to missions. It took me 15 years to get here but here I am. His call has not changed. I can't think of anything worse than to walk away from my passion, my life work on top of losing my son. If there has ever been something I feel like I can be proud of about myself it's that no matter what has happened to me in my life I have never been one to give up.  I don't quit. 

I was looking at a bunch of quotes from Elisabeth Elliot and she said a couple things that stood out to me

“This job has been given to me to do. Therefore, it is a gift. Therefore, it is a privilege. Therefore, it is an offering I may make to God. Therefore, it is to be done gladly, if it is done for Him. Here, not somewhere else, I may learn God’s way. In this job, not in some other, God looks for faithfulness.” 

“Does it make sense to pray for guidance about the future if we are not obeying in the thing that lies before us today? How many momentous events in Scripture depended on one person's seemingly small act of obedience! Rest assured: Do what God tells you to do now, and, depend upon it, you will be shown what to do next.” 

“Faith's most severe tests come not when we see nothing, but when we see a stunning array of evidence that seems to prove our faith vain.”

“To be a follower of the Crucified means, sooner or later, a personal encounter with the cross. And the cross always entails loss.”

“Our vision is so limited we can hardly imagine a love that does not show itself in protection from suffering. The love of God is of a different nature altogether. It does not hate tragedy. It never denies reality. It stands in the very teeth of suffering. The love of God did not protect His own Son. It was the proof of His love – that He gave that Son, that He let Him go to Calvary’s cross, though “legions of angels” might have rescued Him. He will not necessarily protect us- not from anything it takes to make us like His Son. A lot of hammering and chiseling and purifying by fire will have to go into the process.”

I want to be like her. One thing I can say is I agree with her about everything. I'm still not happy about Caleb's death and I doubt I will ever be happy about it. But I know it was for my good. I know that God still has a plan for me and I will not allow the enemy to put this in his victory column. I am going to do as Paul said in Hebrews 12

 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up. After all, you have not yet given your lives in your struggle against sin.

I've said many times that I believe the safest place to be is in the center of God will. But I am going to expand that. The best place to be is in the center of God's will. It's better to be in the center of Gods will and in a 3rd world country than in the comforts of the United States. My life can be taken. My children's lives can be taken. It might be the hardest thing I ever have to do but until God tells me something different this is where I'm supposed to be.

When I die I wil answer to God for the choices I make. So I have chosen to follow him no matter where he leads me. No matter how hard that road is. No matter who disagrees or rejects me. 

Like a child

Caleb would have been three weeks old today. Three weeks sounds like such a short amount of time and yet it seems like a lifetime has passed for me in that time frame. I've discovered a lot about myself and my friends and family in the last 3 weeks. I've fallen deeper in love with my husband as I've watched him shoulder the burden of everything we've had to deal with. He has been amazing and I know even more now that God made him for me. I've discovered I'm stronger than I think I am in some ways and in other ways I'm much weaker than I hoped to be. I'm jealous...so, so jealous of every woman I see carrying a tiny baby. I'm annoyed by silly things. Things I shouldn't care about. Things that aren't even worth mentioning. I cry a lot...often with no notice...sometimes I don't even know what made me cry...except that my baby is gone. Sometimes I laugh. If tears were rain drops some days would be like a stormy day with the sun peeking out of the clouds from time to time. And some days would be sunny with scattered showers.

When we told the boys about Caleb dying Jose said that he went to be with Jesus. Logan's response was "aww, I want to be with Jesus too" Such a sweet response. I had been worried about how they would take it because they had been looking forward to having a baby in the house. To be honest I don't know if they fully understand but I think that is part of the beauty of how Logan responded. He doesn't understand but he doesn't really have to. Just like me. I don't understand but understanding wouldn't change my circumstances just what I know about them.

Today in school we read Mark 10. I know that it wasn't a mistake because so much of it spoke to me, where I am today. Verses 13-15 are recounting the parents trying to bring the children to see Jesus and the disciples stopping them. In 14-15 Jesus said something we've heard a million times "Let the children come to me. Don't stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children. I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn't receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it." So many times I've heard people preach on this and reference this and I thought I understood. I didn't.

In my adultness, I'm jealous of other women who got to keep their babies here, and God who is with my baby. In Logan's childishness he is jealous of Caleb because he got to be with Jesus first. He is excited about Jesus and Heaven in a way I hope to be. He is looking forward to it in a tangible way and often tells me "I wish I could SEE Jesus" or "mommy, when will I get to go to Heaven?" Even before Caleb was born he would say these things. That is why the Kingdom of God belongs to him. It's not near as complicated as I thought. He believes it, accepts it and is excited about it. That's how I want to be. Like a child.

Caleb Elijah Lopez

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to write in my entire life. I want to write it and at the same time I don't. Even as I sit here trying to write my heart aches thinking of where I was at exactly this moment last week longing to be there instead of here.

A week. How can it already have been a week? I've thought a million times what I'm going to write here and how I'm going to begin and what order I'll put it in and I think I've been so afraid to come back here...so afraid of...of leaving something out...of attaching simple words to an event that is so far from simple, it might just not be possible. I don't know how it's going to come or if it will make sense, but I'm just going to write.

I already had 2 sons. Thinking I was going to have a little girl was an adjustment but I was happy. We scheduled the c-section for February 1st because I liked that the baby's birthday would be 2.1.12 and here in Peru it would be written 1.2.12 things like that make me happy. There had been complications as I've mentioned here but we were praying for the baby to make it. The hospital had us check in the night before because my surgery was scheduled at 8am. I was so nervous I barely slept and I prayed all night. 

At 6am the nurse came in and told me to take a shower. She told Jose he needed to have baby shampoo and some other things that we didn't think to bring with us so he had to go to the store. But no stores were open so he waited until 7:30. The nurses came for me minutes after he left. My spanish is not very good and I needed Jose with me so I kept saying "Yo necesito mi esposo. Espere POR FAVOR" (my way of saying "I need my husband. wait PLEASE") they just kept telling me he went to the store and would be back soon. They prepped me and gave me an epidural. I was strapped to a table and I heard the nurses saying something about my husband wanting to come in and how weird it was and I started crying. A different nurse came over and tried to comfort me. I just said my little spanish phrase a few times and finally she said "he's coming we won't start without him here." When they let Jose in he told me they just had him wait until everything was ready.  

We knew that girl was just a guess, but it was still a surprise when the Dr said "baronsito!" (little boy) And I was so happy. Sure we didn't have any boy stuff but I didn't realize just how much I wanted another boy until that moment. When the nurse held him up to me to see I wanted so badly to hold him and kiss him and tell him how I loved him. But they needed to get him into an incubator and run tests. I knew that would happen long before he was born. Everything is fuzzy after that. I remember Jose saying "Caleb Elijah it is!" I heard my Dr say that I had no amniotic fluid, and I remember praying that Caleb and I would be ok. 

They took me to a recovery room and I was there for what seemed like days. I kept begging the girl to let me see my husband and my baby and they finally took me upstairs but me and caleb both had to stay where we were, separated. When I got to my room Jose told me Caleb's colon was not fully developed and he needed surgery. They were running tests to see what needed to be done. Most likely he would need a colostomy. We waited and waited to find out what was going to happen. I asked Jose to take a picture of him so I could at least see him and he did. Finally the dr confirmed he would need a colostomy and hopefully by 6-9 months we could reverse it and he would be fine. His surgery ended up being around 9 pm and we could do nothing but wait. Jose kept checking on him but there was no news. Finally they told us he had come through surgery fine and it was successful. 

Thursday morning Caleb's Dr told us he had stopped breathing when they took him off the oxygen at 4am. They were able to get him breathing again with the oxygen tubes and they said that sometimes that happens with babies that young. They have trouble getting used to breathing on their own. I was determined to see him so I got out of bed as soon as I could. The pain was horrible. I don't remember ever hurting as badly as I did after this c-section. I kept asking to see him and they were barely letting Jose. Finally after Jose had asked again and again they said I could come down.   

He looked just as I imagined him, like his brothers. With a full head of black hair and light skin like me. Logan and Timothy had both been big 9.6 and 7.12 lbs respectively. Both of them were 21 1/2 inches long. Caleb was 5.5 lb and 17 inches long. He was so small yet he looked substantial. His legs were very short and skinny but he had broad shoulders so we called him our little football player. He looked like he had shoulder pads on. He was so beautiful and I cried. I sobbed actually. I had prayed for him for 4 years and here we was. I thought I was going to lose him but I didn't. He was a miracle. He survived when the Dr said I was having a miscarriage. I thought if he could just make it to term everything would be ok. 

While we were with him we noticed his oxygen saturation level was only at 50% the dr told Jose a bunch of stuff and when we were talking about it I asked Jose if they thought he was going to die, he didn't know. Every time they talked to us they mentioned one more thing that was a cause for concern. God was preparing me but I didn't want to believe it. 

One hour after I left Caleb he left us. Just like that. He stopped breathing and this time they couldn't get him to start again. 6 pm. 33 hours and 5 minutes. That's how long caleb was here. I've heard people say that having a child is like having a piece of your heart walking around outside of your body. You can't control what happens to it but everything that does happen feels like it's happening to you. It's true but how do you explain the way you feel when that piece of your heart dies? I know he's in heaven and given the choice to stay there or come to me he would stay. I'm not mad at God but I'm jealous. He gets to know my baby and I don't. I know it's his plan and theres a reason for it. But it still hurts. I still have moments where I feel like I can't go on. That the pain of losing him is more than I can take. That I will never be ok. But then I have moments where peace comes in like a flood. Gods presence is tangible. I know he is with me and he is comforting me. Even while I grieve he is comforting me. I'm not eloquent enough to explain any of this really. This is just the way it is. 

The next couple days were filled with doing things we never would have thought we would have to do. Thinking about things we never would have thought we would have to think about. Reliving a moment I never wanted to live. Jose wrote this to our Pastor and it sums up how I feel as well. 

"Every step of my walk of faith he has stretched me.  Every step I knew is one for something bigger.  Every step has come at a higher cost but also a higher reward.  I can only imagine what this time of trial will bring to my life.  I knew when he called me, that I being a soldier, am willing to die.  I know that I am not afraid to die now if you ask me to, but it came at a higher price to ask my son to die.  how great a sacrifice can I be identified with than the one that sent his son to die for us.  God will get the Glory in Caleb's life and he will get it through my life.  All this does it gets me more angry at the devil for tempting me with denying Christ and provoking me to fear and not faith."    

3 days after Caleb died we had Sunday service. All we did was worship and Jose gave a short word of testimony about Caleb and an invitation to have a relationship with God. The house was packed. We had 32 people in our living room and 6 of them raised their hands and answered the invitation. It was a beautiful way to celebrate my sons life. 6 people's lives have been changed because of my son's short life. Thousands of people have heard Caleb's story and prayed for him and us. People that didn't know us or each other all came together on our behalf because of Caleb. I can't say that I would have chosen this. I can't say that I'm glad this happened. But I know it was worth it. 

Caleb will always be my son. I will always carry him in my heart. His life as short as it was had an eternal impact and I'm grateful for that. I thank God for giving him to me even for the short time that I had him. 

"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you,” says the LORD."
Jeremiah 29:11-14a

While I was pregnant God gave me this passage. I thought it was for the baby. After He died I asked God why he would give me that passage when clearly it didn't apply. But it wasn't for Caleb. It was for me. To carry me. He knew this would happen. He knew why it would happen. It was for my good. I have a future and a hope. When I pray he listens. I will find Him.
In everything I will find Him.

You've stolen my heart, yes you have

Sometimes you just need to worship in your own language.
When you are trying to learn a language mostly by immersion it's easy to think of everything (even church service) as a language study course. At least that's how it is for me. During worship I find myself mentally translating the song instead of just singing it to God. I'll be thinking "does that mean worthy or glory? wait, what is this song talking about?"
I try not to but I eventually slip back into it and then my spirit starts getting very, very thirsty. Have you ever had a thirsty spirit? It's kind of like the feeling you get when you have been working outside in the heat and you go inside for a drink only to find the water has been turned off and you have nothing to drink in the fridge. So I have been listening to english worship music online. It's been working ok, but I was still missing that live worship experience. It was an important little thing that I told God about. I didn't even really pray about it. All I said is "God I want some english worship." Then I moved on and mostly forgot about it. I didn't even mention it to Jose.  

Last week Jose was was on Facebook and said "Hey, Leeland is in Lima. You want to go see them?" I said sure. Now don't stone me but I'm not that into Leeland in general. Jose loves them and I like some of their songs but I probably wouldn't have even noticed they were here. I thought I was going for Jose.

They were singing at a church nearby as part of the evening service. When we got there a Man from Mississippi was preaching in English. I thought it was cool to get to just listen and not have to interpret or wait for Jose to explain why everyone was laughing (even when I get most of the message the jokes are hard to understand) After that the church worship team sang and it was nice. Then Leeland went up and sang "Yes you have". I just started worshipping. One of maybe 20 people singing in a room of at least 1000. At first I noticed but then I didn't and I just started crying. I felt Gods' presence right at the place where they say "this is all for you" In that moment the King of the world brought everything together so I could worship Him in english with other believers. He did it because I mentioned it to him in passing. Like a long drink of cold water. My God loves me so much!

He's stolen my heart. Yes he has!

And now the winner of the giveaway is.....


PAMELA WHITEHEAD
Congratulations! Email me (jkmission2peru@gmail.com) your mailing address and I'll get it to you asap

Fog heart

This morning as we stepped out of the house to begin the days adventure Logan said "wow, it sure it is foggy" as we were driving his mind was stuck on it and as we were getting close to our destination he said "hey, I just realized something. My heart used to be foggy like this and then Jesus swept all the fog away so that now I can see with my heart!"

He is only five years old but he put it in such a sweet way it stuck in my head and I started thinking about how we do allow things to cloud our vision. We start to see people through the mistakes they made. We see ourselves through our own intentions instead of our actions. We see God through the cloudiness of what we think he should do. A lot of us even Christians allow that fog to seep back in and keep us from seeing things that are right in front of us.

Sometimes I get frustrated with other people. I wish that I could make them love God. I wish I could make them stop doing drugs, drinking, cutting themselves or any number of other self destructive things. I wish I could change the world just by telling people how. It seems simple enough. Most people want the world to change but we all get hung up on our fog. We want to save all our friends but not so much our enemies. We like being wronged because it gives us something to be indignant about.

I was thinking about the verse below that is underlined. I couldn't remember where it was found but when I found the chapter I loved how it fit. One of the biggest keys to "removing the fog" is to live by this chapter


If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! But when full understanding comes, these partial things will become useless.
 When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13

and before you go thinking your good because you treat all your friends and family like ^that says to remember this

“You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. ⁴⁴ But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!
Matthew 5:33-34

Where does my help come from?

Sometimes I like to just open my bible and read the first thing my eyes land on. I have a reading plan that I stick to (It's the one year bible in case you are wondering lol) I think there are several good reasons to have a plan when you read the bible but I'm not going to get into that here. Today I opened up my bible to Psalm 121 this is what it says
I will Lift up my eyes to the mountains;
From where shall my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.
He will not allow your foot to slip;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel
Will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord is your keeper;
The Lord is your shade on your right hand
The sun will not smite you by day
Nor the moon by night
The Lord will protect you from all evil
He will keep your soul
The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in
From this time forth and forever

It just struck me as so beautiful and so comforting. (I almost always think beautiful things are comforting)

This year has been amazing and wonderful and incredibly hard. It was full of great things we weren't expecting and difficult things we weren't expecting. Along with all the great and difficult things we were expecting. But in the end it's always a great encouragement to know that my help comes from the Lord. He never sleeps or misses a thing, He guards my going out and my coming in and he will do it forever. Who else could promise you that?

So I just want to remind any of you that read this. Whatever it is in your life that you need help with. Let your help come from the Lord.

Jose’s Daily Thoughts December 2nd

1John 2:12 I am writing to you who are God’s children
      because your sins have been forgiven through Jesus.[c]
13 I am writing to you who are mature in the faith[d]
      because you know Christ, who existed from the beginning.
   I am writing to you who are young in the faith
      because you have won your battle with the evil one.
14 I have written to you who are God’s children
      because you know the Father.
   I have written to you who are mature in the faith
      because you know Christ, who existed from the beginning.
   I have written to you who are young in the faith
      because you are strong.
   God’s word lives in your hearts,
      and you have won your battle with the evil one.
God's children, young in faith, and mature in faith
My thoughts:  We all start somewhere.  God spoke to me today that we all begin somewhere in our Christian walk, but God does not want us to stay there.  The maturing process isn't necessarily on how much more we can put on our plates instead it is how much more we can trust in him.  God showed me that initially we need to understand that Jesus has washed us from our sins in such a way that we do not sin.  We keep in mind that if we do sin he has already made atonement for us; but he does not want us to stay just in that revelation.  We need to understand that there is a battle and winning in that battle means that Christ is growing in our lives.  This understanding is strength in our lives because we no longer rely on ourselves but on him who continues to make intercession for us.  Finally there is a level we can call mature faith.  In this level we not only know Christ as savior, but as Lord and we begin to see his nature and his unchanging love toward us.  John writes that we know Christ is the same as Adam knows Eve and is intimate with her.  We too need to become mature and know Christ in such a way that we are in Christ and know that we have been chosen from the beginning. 
My prayer today: 1John 2: 15 Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you. 16 For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world. 17 And this world is fading away, along with everything that people crave. But anyone who does what pleases God will live forever.

Confession of a "Missionary"

Ok, so something has been bugging me ever since I found out I was supposed to be a missionary. I grew up reading biography's of amazing men and women of God. People like George Mueller, Amy Carmichael, Mother Theresa and Hudson Taylor. Those people were MISSIONARIES! I am not those people!
If I were catholic those people would be like saints to me. I mean in my mind you become a missionary you automatically know stuff. You obviously never sin (or think about sinning) and never, ever doubt. Obedience to God should come naturally and if you are not out helping out the poor and downtrodden you are probably just chillin' in your prayer closet or memorizing Leviticus (because you already memorized all the "easy" books)
Maybe I'm the only person who thinks like that. Actually, I know I'm not but someone has to say something. We have to stop the insanity!
So anyway, here I am minding my own business serving God. And we are so cool like that. I'm all, "where you go I'll go what you say I'll say God. What you pray I'll pray" and then I hear "really?" and I say "I can't hear you right now, I'm worshipping you. Can you see me here worshipping? you really shouldn't..., you know..., interrupt" Then I wait a second thinking I've got him there. Because when God says "really?" you can't say no, but it can be so scary to say yes.  So I try to pretend like I never heard the question. You know? I think for a little while that maybe God forgot that I had even said I would go where he goes and say what he says. But it's always there. This sensation in my chest like my heart will explode whenever I hear about "missions". This bizarre sense of jealousy when I hear other missionaries talking about their experiences. The way my eyes want to cry when I see pictures of unloved and abandoned children. But deep down inside I know. I know that I'm not good enough to be a missionary. I mean, there are a million ways I can think of off the top of my head that make me a horrible choice as a missionary. I get jealous. I have been known to lose my temper. I'm terribly selfish, I really like long hot showers with good water pressure and while I'm being honest. It is REALLY hard to trust God. I mean it's the easiest thing to say, but I cannot tell you how many times I have gotten irritated with people because they tell me to trust God. When all I can see is the ocean in front of me and the army behind me, coming to bring me back to Egypt. What kind of missionary would I make?

Then I decide to try something new. I say yes. YES! I will be a missionary...some day. I mean, I just had a baby and Jose is loving what he's doing and we bought a house. I mean now is just NOT the time. But you know in a few years. When we are ready. Then we will be missionaries.
Of course as you may already know God had already been working on Jose's heart. He had his own conversations with God. So we talked about it. I was settled on it, and I was starting to want to be a missionary. But there was still that feeling in my chest that would tense up and the voice in my head saying "YOU ARE CRAZY!!!!!! WHAT are you thinking? What about the showers? What about your friends and family? what if you DIE?"

Years passed. Jose and I grew in our relationship with God. We went through some trials that helped us to learn about trusting God. We went through some times of intense discipleship. We got a lot of time working "in the kitchen" at our church. And then almost as if Jose and I had been listening to the same song and it was just coming to the crescendo we both knew. We needed to go and we needed to go now. So we talked to our pastor about it and he said to go visit. We flew out to Peru for 2 weeks and fell in love. When we came we thought ok, we will go get our checkmark that we went and then go back to our regularly scheduled lives. But no. We got here and we knew we needed to be here.

The next year was spent preparing. Raising support. Getting rid of stuff. Trying to get ready to come back. We said to good bye, to family, friends, our church, and our water pressure. Then we boarded a plane and we went, this time it was to stay.

So now we are here. We live in Peru. I obeyed. I'm a "missionary". But, I still don't feel like a missionary. I'm still selfish, I still get angry and jealous. I still miss my shower. I don't have the bible memorized and I struggle to spend enough time in prayer. Obedience and trusting God still don't come naturally. I often freak out because I don't know what God is planning and it seems like he will never tell me. When I hear the term "missionary" in my head the definition is "perfect christian, self sacrificing, never does anything wrong because they are too busy serving the Lord to mess up." When in reality a missionary is really nothing more than a christian. Someone who loves God. Trying to work out their salvation just like any other christian. I'm still not "good enough" to be a missionary. I'm not good enough to be a christian either. Nothing I do will make me good enough. But that's not the point. Nothing any of those other missionaries did made them good enough either. They just had to make a choice. Every christian has a choice to make every day. Whether they are a Pastor, a missionary, a plumber, a stay at home mom or whatever. We have to choose to answer the call that God gives us. And let him be good enough. If I was good enough on my own I would not need God. But I NEED Him.  Everyday I'm reminded how much I need Him.

So my call is missionary. I'm almost used to being called that. Almost. What is your call? What is it that God is asking you to do that you can't do on your own? It might feel weird at first. It might not fit just right when you first try it on. But if you trust Him. If you are "confident that God, who began the good work in you will be faithful to continue the work until it is finally finished on the day that Jesus Christ comes" (Philippians 1:6) He will.

Did you feel the mountains tremble?

This morning at 3am we experienced our first earthquake. It registered 5.9 on the Richter scale. Here is a news story about it. To be honest it is not that big a deal here. (Jose and my kids actually slept through it..except for when I reached out for Jose, because for a moment I thought I was dreaming)
I find it interesting because the day I wrote my last blog I almost talked about being nervous about earthquakes. All I knew is they start without warning and can be devastating. It scared the living daylights out of me (there's a little bit of Texas slang for you...proof of my roots) But a few days ago I thought. I wonder if there will be an earthquake here? Then I realized I really wasn't as afraid as I used to be. It's awesome the way God prepares us in the smallest ways for things. 

Speaking of preparing for things. Tomorrow (Thursday) Jose, Victor and I will be going to a local orphanage to talk with the director and see how they run things. There are lots of potential good things going on with that so please keep us in prayer. I'm so excited about this I can't even explain it.
God has already been flinging doors wide open everywhere we go. There is no doubt in our minds that his hand is on this ministry and we want to thank everyone of you that has been praying for us and supporting us financially. We are able to do the things we are doing because of your support. We love you guys

Our first day in Lima in pictures + update!!!

The first day here was exciting

We were all up early and ready to see what we could accomplish...but we didn't realize Peru doesn't really wake up until around 10 or 11

so we hung out around the hotel for awhile

 

When we did get out to the stores they weren't all open anyway but we enjoyed a nice walk.

In fact we walked and walked and walked.

But the boys still had energy so we let them play at the playground.

They were not the least bit excited about it

  

We ate at my current favorite restaurant

They have a cute little flower cart outside.

After lunch we drove around for a few hours looking for houses with for rent signs outside...we didn't find many but that didn't really matter.

We finished out the day at a grocery store named Wong. Jose got our cell phones set up and me and the boys sat in the little coin operated car area.

They liked this one

We have really seen God's hand and just favor over us the whole time here.

Even when we were flying over here. We checked with the airline the day before we left to find out how much it would cost if we checked extra baggage they said $140 per bag. We decided to buy an extra suitcase and check it because we were just running out of options. Tuesday morning at 4 am we showed up at the airport with our 11 suitcases, 5 carry-ons and 5 personal items. We weighed everything to make sure we weren't over weight and had to move a few things to carry ons. Jose went to check the bags and they said it was only an extra $40 instead of $140. Jose decided to go ahead and check 2 of our carry-ons as well because it was so much cheaper (plus we really didn't want that many carry ons.) The lady called her supervisor over at the end to sign off on everything and the supervisor said "no, you were supposed to charge them $140 for each additional bag" then she told Jose "sir because of our mistake we are going to let you check these 3 bags for free" We didn't have to pay any extra fees for our bags at all!

Secondly when we went out with the realtor she had 2 apartments to show us in our price range, and 2 that were slightly higher than we wanted to pay. We looked at all of them and Jose and I both liked the first one we looked at (which was in our price range hallelujah). All the places in the area we need to be in were unfurnished though. So while we waited to get the contract from the owner we decided to go price furniture and appliances (houses don't even come with ovens here) I'm not going to lie. Looking at how much everything was going to cost and even just trying to furnish a complete house from nothing was a little intimidating. But I serve a big God. That night we went to meet with the owner (a former actress/tv host) We were there for about 2 hours talking about the house/living arrangement/her health/the realtors family/ etc.... this is Peru you don't have short meetings about one specific thing and then move on here. In the process of our conversation she asked if we have furniture. We told her we don't and she said "My daughter lived here for 3 months. She bought everything new and left it with me when she moved. I'll tell you what, if you want I can furnish the house for an extra $200 a month then when you go to Piura you can have it all if you want it. I even have trucks that go up there all the time you can take it in one of my trucks when you go."  All we need to get is linens and some kitchen items to have everything we need for our house.

Third. One minor hickup is that the house is brand new. When we were looking at it it didn't have light fixtures and was still being painted. Because of that the house won't be ready until Friday. But our hotel is only available until Tuesday then we were going to have to move to a different room. Not a big deal for us but it would cost us 4 extra night's in the hotel. Yesterday when we were at church we talking with the pastors and the couple that is in charge of the retreat center. They asked where we are staying and we explained the whole situation. When we finished they said "don't spend your money on a hotel we have a guest house behind our house you can stay there until your house is finished." Then Jose asked if we can start moving our luggage over today and the pastor said "just use the church van. I will send it over to pick all your sutff up on Tuesday so you can move everything in one trip"

We have an amazing God. It is so awesome to see his hand on every step of our journey. It is clear he is Jehovah Jireh our provider. We can't wait to see what He is going to do next! 

Please be in prayer with us for a vehicle. There are six of us so we need something that carries at least six comfortably. We are really praying for an H1 mini van (they carry 12 passengers but look like a mini van) We have called on a few used vehicles but they sell for almost the same as new...cars do not depreciate here. 

Thank you so much for all your prayers and support it is deeply appreciated! And we can seriously see/feel the prayers in our daily life!   

Stream of Consciousness...

Most little girls play cinderella or sleeping beauty. Not me, I played Wendy from Peter Pan. I loved pretending to be a mother taking care of my "lost boys." I should have known God would give me little boys. It's hard to recapture the fun of being a make-believe mother living in a forest when you are wiping noses and bottoms, making lunch and taking care of bloody noses. When you live in the forest it doesn't matter if you have dirt on the floor. The floor is dirt. (consequently my floor might as well be dirt right now. I sweep and before I can even "swiffer wet jet" my floor it's dirty again.)

Sometimes I look at my day to day life and think "wow, how much longer is this going to last?" I have a hard time just living in right now. When I start to see a dream coming true I want to run up to it and wrap my arms around it. I don't like the waiting part. Which you would think I would be used to. A couple years ago when we would talk about moving to Peru I would get kind of nervous. The nervousness that comes from not knowing what your getting yourself into or what it will be like. I still don't know what it will be like. And I'm sure I don't know what I'm getting myself into. But I'm deliriously happy to be going now. When we arrived in Peru last September I was less than dazzled by the airport and exhausted from the trip so I can't remember exactly what my first thoughts there were. I do remember the first day there. I fell in love. The way I hear people describing their feelings for Italy or Paris. That is how I felt there. All I could think was "I get to live HERE!?" So now I'm counting down the weeks and days until I get to go back. Only this time we actually get to do something! We get to minister the love of Jesus to a nation of hurting and dying people.

When Jose initially spoke to the pastor we will be working with the first year he told him our heart is for Piura. He said we were the third couple that mentioned Piura to him and nothing has happened. No one has followed through. Can you imagine what God must have in store for that part of the country? I am giddy just thinking about it.

(aren't we cute...especially him!)

Jose and I were both in wedding's last week. Mine was Sunday (and I have NO pictures) :( His was Saturday. Both had brides named Melissa. (odd) They were both beautiful and I am so happy for both of them. I've been able to see both of them grow up in their relationships with God and I've been able to watch both of their relationships (with their husbands) blossom. I love you girls! I pray for both of you and we take our roles as your sister and brother in Christ very seriously! Congratulations Mrs. Greenwade and Mrs. Echevarria!  

With Everything

This morning in worship we sang this song and it really stirred my spirit. Whenever I hear it it does so I wanted to share it. The song playing first right now is the same song

Open our eyes


To see the things that make Your heart cry

To be the church that You would desire

Your light to be seen



VERSE 2:



Break down our pride

And all the walls we’ve built up inside

Our earthly crowns and all our desires

We lay at Your feet



PRE CHORUS:



Let hope rise

And darkness tremble

In Your holy light

That every eye will see

Jesus our God

Great and mighty to be praised



VERSE 3:



God of all days

Glorious in all of Your ways

Oh the majesty the wonder and grace

In the light of Your Name



CHORUS:



With everything

With everything

We will shout for Your glory

With everything

With everything

We will shout forth Your praise



CHORUS 2:



Our hearts they cry

Be glorified

Be lifted high above all names

For You our King

With everything

We will shout forth Your praise

Hearing God

"Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.  Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls. But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it. If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless. Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you." James 1:19-27

The other day someone mentioned something to me in passing about having the ability to hear from God. Something about that statement gave me pause. I kept hearing that phrase in my head. "I can hear from God" I thought about it a lot and then I just asked God. What is it about that phrase? and then because *I can hear from God* He told me, the strange thing about that phrase is everyone *CAN* hear from God. Think about it. The bible is a letter from God. So it stands to reason that any person that reads the bible at any time is  hearing from God. Seriously though, saying you can hear from God is like saying you can breath. Of course you can, you were made to do it. But, just because you hear from God doesn't mean you automatically do the right thing aka "what God said to do." Why else would God say this in his word "But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says." 

Now I'm going to break down this little section of scripture and show you what God showed me (scripture is in blue my comments are in black)

"Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.

This seems somewhat obvious to me but in case you don't see the connection I'll mention it. It's hard to hear someone else talking when you are always talking. I have come to the place that in my prayer time I hardly speak at all. It's not because I don't have a lot to say (obviously, I have a lot to say) It's because If I do all the talking I won't hear God's still small voice speaking to me. Lord help me, I don't ever want to miss his voice.

So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls.

Humility is a key to hearing from God. Most of the time we really don't want to hear what he has to say. Most of the time he says to give up your life, sacrifice, obey, submit, give, love your enemy, pray for those that spitefully use you. Things that pride doesn't allow.

But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves.

Strong words. I have wanted to say this to people in the past. It makes me sad to see people justify themselves because of past accomplishments or ability to hear from God. It goes back to humility. If you start to see the things you've done for/through/because of God as something you did yourself. You already got your reward and you are deceiving yourself.

For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it.

I love how vivid this is. Since I have to check a mirror before I leave my house, on the way to my destination, and as soon as I arrive. This hits home for me. I mean it's not like I forgot what I look like (well sometimes...maybe). But I still check again and again. Looking carefully is descriptive of searching out the scripture. Having scriptural backing for the things you do. (and please, look at the context of your verse don't just find a verse that fits your needs if you leave out the first 3 and last 2 words...pet peeve) 

If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless.

I love it that he says this. He literally says if you don't control your tongue your religion is worthless. Someone tried to gossip to me and I told them "I don't want to be a part of gossip" they said "it's not gossip it's the truth" Their tongue was so out of control that they justified gossiping by saying it was the truth. My rule of thumb is If I'm not part of the problem and I'm not part of the solution then it's not my business. I do not want to hear that everything I did was worthless because I was involved in any way with idle chatter

Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.

This is one of my all time favorite scriptures. I look forward to the day when I will be caring for orphans. I also think it's interesting how many people leave the last part out when they quote this verse. Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father is caring for widows and orphans in their distress, but it's also refusing to let the world corrupt you. We let the world corrupt us by making small compromises it usually starts with our mouth James 3:3-6 says "We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself"


A few additional thoughts.
I'm reading a book right now called Steps To The Anointing (Dag Heward-Mills) it talks about the ability to be led into the wilderness. Jesus was led into the wilderness (Matt 4:1) and yet as Christians we don't believe God will ever lead us into a wildnerness. Most of us will only follow him to somewhere nice. But we must be people who will follow him even when he is leading us against our natural inclinations. As Ray Comfort has said when we say "my god wouldn't ask me to do something like that" we are breaking the second commandment and making a god in our own image. Of course your god wouldn't do that he doesn't exist.  

 I love how beautiful the word is. It's just poetic. I wish that I could transfer the feeling I get when I read the word of God to others. It sheds light on things I don't understand and restores my soul.  

Rhema

I love it when the word of God speaks directly to me. As if this portion of scripture was written directly to and for me like a private letter. I bolded certain parts for emphasis of what God is showing me. I hope it ministers to you

2 Timothy 2
A Good Soldier of Christ Jesus

Timothy, my dear son, be strong through the grace that God gives you in Christ Jesus. 2 You have heard me teach things that have been confirmed by many reliable witnesses. Now teach these truths to other trustworthy people who will be able to pass them on to others.3 Endure suffering along with me, as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. 4 Soldiers don’t get tied up in the affairs of civilian life, for then they cannot please the officer who enlisted them. 5 And athletes cannot win the prize unless they follow the rules. 6 And hardworking farmers should be the first to enjoy the fruit of their labor. 7 Think about what I am saying. The Lord will help you understand all these things.
8 Always remember that Jesus Christ, a descendant of King David, was raised from the dead. This is the Good News I preach. 9 And because I preach this Good News, I am suffering and have been chained like a criminal. But the word of God cannot be chained. 10 So I am willing to endure anything if it will bring salvation and eternal glory in Christ Jesus to those God has chosen.
11 This is a trustworthy saying:
If we die with him,
we will also live with him.
12 If we endure hardship,
we will reign with him.
If we deny him,
he will deny us.
13 If we are unfaithful,
he remains faithful,
for he cannot deny who he is.

14 Remind everyone about these things, and command them in God’s presence to stop fighting over words. Such arguments are useless, and they can ruin those who hear them.

15 Work hard so you can present yourself to God and receive his approval. Be a good worker, one who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly explains the word of truth. 16 Avoid worthless, foolish talk that only leads to more godless behavior. 17 This kind of talk spreads like cancer, as in the case of Hymenaeus and Philetus. 18 They have left the path of truth, claiming that the resurrection of the dead has already occurred; in this way, they have turned some people away from the faith.19 But God’s truth stands firm like a foundation stone with this inscription: “The Lord knows those who are his,” and “All who belong to the Lord must turn away from evil.”

20 In a wealthy home some utensils are made of gold and silver, and some are made of wood and clay. The expensive utensils are used for special occasions, and the cheap ones are for everyday use. 21 If you keep yourself pure, you will be a special utensil for honorable use. Your life will be clean, and you will be ready for the Master to use you for every good work.22 Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts.

23 Again I say, don’t get involved in foolish, ignorant arguments that only start fights. 24 A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people. 25 Gently instruct those who oppose the truth. Perhaps God will change those people’s hearts, and they will learn the truth. 26 Then they will come to their senses and escape from the devil’s trap. For they have been held captive by him to do whatever he wants.